When No Really Means Yes
Welcome to the Overflow! Whether you’re an old friend or a new one, I’m glad you’re here. This is a place where faith is spilled and souls are filled. I hope you’ll pull up a chair and stay awhile.
I’m over at Proverbs 31 today talking about a birthday girl, a surprise party, and how sometimes God’s no today is simply protecting His yes for tomorrow. If you haven’t had a chance to read it, you can find it here. But before you go, I’d love to tell you about a crazy little holiday we used to celebrate when we needed a break from our ordinary life, and how learning to “talk backwards” taught me a surprisingly sweet lesson about God…
They knew what day it was when they woke up to cereal in the bathroom sink, silverware in the toothpaste drawer and pajamas dangling from the coat hooks in the entryway. They knew when they heard Christmas music in July and found Easter Eggs in their underwear drawer that they’d be eating under the kitchen table instead of on top of it and greeting the sunrise with a noisy “Good Night” instead of a grateful “Good Morning.”
They knew they’d be wearing pajamas when they went out to play and slipping into play clothes when they climbed into bed. They knew that they’d be allowed to wash their hands in mud puddles, to savor dessert before dinner and to eat candy corn instead of asparagus.
And though my kids may not have known how every moment of the day to come would unfold, they knew for certain that the minutes would be long on laughter and short on structure. They knew that absurdity would reign and boredom would flee.
‘Cause that’s just how life worked on Backwards Day!
Honestly, I’m not sure when the crazy tradition began or exactly when it ended, but for several years while my children were young, we tossed “normal” on it’s head and created our own in-house holiday.
On Backwards Day, we did all things backwards and upside down. We outlawed the humdrum and predictable, the common place and conventional, and we embraced twenty-four hours of pure goofy gala.
Of course, learning to talk “backwards” was confounding at times. Because for one day out of the year, our yes’s meant no and no’s meant yes…
“Mom, may I have another popsicle?” my preschooler asked as he sat cross-legged in the steamy sunshine, his pink lips framed with a bright purple ring.
“No, I think one’s enough,” I said as I dabbed his face with a washcloth.
“Okay, thanks!” he answered with a green-eyed grin, his voice unusually cheery for a kid whose mom just shot down his plan for another round of shameless snacking. He gave me a one-armed hug and hopped off the deck. But instead of running to play in the yard with his siblings, he made a beeline through the garage for the freezer.
Next thing I knew, my four-year-old was back on the deck slurping another frozen treat.
“Honey,” I said as I watched a dribble of melting blue ice zig zag down his chin. “I told you no more popsicles.”
“I know, Mommy,” he responded as he swiped at the sticky drizzle with the back of his hand. “I heard you. And that’s why I got another one. ‘Cause it’s Backwards Day. So whenever you say no, it means yes, right?”
I laughed out loud at my son’s inverted logic, yet I couldn’t argue with my cunning kid.
It took me hours to get the hang of it, but eventually I learned how to dialogue in reverse. I turned affirmatives into stop signs and negatives into bold green lights. I said no to whimsy and yes to endless work. I said sure to downers and no way to delight. And just when it seemed I’d finally mastered the art of Backwards Day discourse, our self-construed holiday ended, and I had to shift back to colloquial conversation.
Sadly, as the kids have grown, our annual Backwards Day has slipped quietly off our calendars. It’s been several years since we’ve spooned cereal from the sink or dined on dessert beneath the table. We haven’t said yes to crabbiness and no to craziness for a while, either. But not long ago I was flipping through my prayer journal, and I realized that God doesn’t need a Backwards Day to practice the art of “reverse dialogue,” too.
Because God often tucks a sacred yes in the folds of his sagacious no.
When I look back on my journey with the Lord, I see how He has used disappointing no’s to steer me toward unexpected yes’s…
When I was a twenty-six-year-old mom, I asked God to open the doors to a wonderful teaching job I wanted. It seemed like it would be the perfect fit for our little family. So, I prayed and applied. I interviewed and tried, but God said no. And tucked into that sagacious no was a sacred yes to staying at home with my children and pursuing my secret dream of becoming a writer and a speaker.
When my marriage was flailing and my pride was swelling, I asked God to change my husband. I gave Him suggestions and advice, timelines and tips. But God said, no. And tucked into that sagacious no was God’s sacred yes to changing me into a humble and teachable wife first (and opening my eyes to the amazing gift of the man I’d married, just as he was).
When motherhood exposed my weaknesses and the daily mundane magnified my flaws, I asked God to “fix” my holes and solve my shortcomings. But God said no. And tucked into that sagacious no was God’s sacred yes to my learning to rest in Him as He shines His glory through my gaps.
I could tell you of the times He’s said no to changing my zip code so He could say yes to changing my heart. I could speak of the moments He’s said no to my persistent pleas for healing so He could say yes to my desperate reach for hope. And I could recount the times He’s said no to smoothing my path so He could say yes to carrying me over the bumps that block our way. 
Of course, I would never suggest that it’s easy. Or that I always understand God’s ways. Sometimes the no’s don’t make sense and the yes’s are hidden from sight. Sometimes the no’s even seem to contradict who God is and what He promises. Sometimes we can’t look back and see how He redeemed our disappointment or ransomed our pain. But even then, in those aching places of discouragement and despair, we can choose to believe the truth of Romans 8:31– If God is for us, who can ever be against us?
And as we wait for God to work all things for good in His time and His way (Romans 8:28), we can remember that we’ve already been given the most undeserved yes tucked in a bold and radical no. For through the cross where Jesus died, God declared a no that will echo through all of eternity. NO! I won’t let my children be separated from my love. Yes! I will wrap myself in flesh and die so they can forever enjoy my peace and my presence.
Think about it, friends– The cross is the ultimate Backwards Day. Our Salvation is free, yet it cost Jesus everything. The perfect Lamb died a criminal’s death. The King of Heaven suffered so we could celebrate. The Son of God endured the shame of man.
There’s no way to explain Christ’s radical gift of grace. It’s upside down and backwards in all of the very best ways. And when we really pause to consider the audacity of it all, we are reminded of this– Even when we don’t fully understand God’s methods, we can completely trust His heart.
So with gratitude and grit, we say yes to the One who said no to the death we deserve. And day by day, we find courage to take hold of His nail-scared hand and follow where He leads.
And as we walk with our Savior through the ups and downs of our lives, we discover something even sweeter than a pack of purple popsicles… We find His YES of love in every step we take.
In Jesus we hear a resounding “yes” to all of God’s many promises.” 2 Corinthians 1:20.
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Of course, my favorite way to connect is the old fashioned way—face to face so I can see your smile. I’m scheduling speaking engagements for the 2017/2018 school year, and I’d be delighted to bring a message of encouragement to a ministry event near you! (Contact me at overflow@aliciabruxvoort.net if you’d like to know more).
And finally, today, I’m giving away a “surprise party in a box.” It’s a box filled with party decorations, and of course, some sweet treats… just a fun little gift to remind you that sometimes God’s yes’s are wrapped in surprising no’s.
If you’d like to enter to win, just leave a comment telling us about a time in your life when God’s “no” really meant “yes.”
Or simply let us know how we can pray for you as you trust God with His no’s and yes’s. Have a great weekend, friends!
I’m wanting to be a therapist and get a master of science in that field. I was hoping to be able to start college classes this semester, but after doing everything I could to prepare for it, the one thing I couldn’t do myself didn’t happen. I’m so disappointed, and while I can see the good things that will come from the time I would’ve spent studying (working on the book I feel God told me to write, continuing to heal from my mental illnesses and seeing my therapist, maybe even finding hope), I’m still afraid that my dream will never happen. I know in my head that God’s plans are always good, he will never leave me or stop loving (or liking and accepting) me, there is a reason for me to be alive….I can’t make my heart believe those things a lot of the time. (I need to heal in that way, too.) So I could use some prayer in all of this 🙁
Thanks for posting this and the blog on Proverbs 31 Ministries. I really needed them <3
I sit here today wondering…struggling…with God’s seeming silence in my struggle to find a purposeful life path after the death of my husband/best friend and the end to a fairy tale. “Is it me?” “How long will You wait?” “What is my purpose?” “How can I affect the world for Your glory?” I ponder so many questions…and the answer seems to be “no.” Somewhere there is a “yes” and I am praying it is beyond what I could ever imagine.
I have heard no a lot in favor of a later yes. I have wanted to move south since moving away at 16. I had a lot of no but 2 years ago a yes. I have had nearly 20 addresses since moving away from Alabama, and a few of the cities – states I can see God’s purpose and a few I am still waiting for. Also we adopted from Ethiopia. 7.5 years. Lots of nos but we have 2 girls now in our home
I wish I had a praise report on this :), but at the moment it feels like I’ve been going thru a season of no-s in both my personal and professional lives. On a good day I feel intrigued- if God says no to this or that, I wonder what He might have in store instead. But on the days when I feel weary and tired of waiting (and sometimes it’s triggered by once again another ”no” which feels like it should’ve been a ‘yes’)- it feels like I dont have it in me to persevere or sometimes even wonder if any of the desires of my heart were meant to be at all (although I do know that God should be the biggest desire of my heart- on harder/darker days it’s much harder to truly feel and sincerely accept with my mind).
I have just found your blog through a Proverbs 31 message. I have recently prayed for a “yes” in a situation, even talked to my pastor about it and he told me God would give me the answer 1 needed. God answered that same day through a song I heard on the radio when I got back in the car. It was playing when I cranked the car. The song was “A Greater Yes”. I’m trusting Him for I’m sure He knows best. This is just another confirmation. Thanks and may God richly bless you in everything you do.
Good morning,
As I read this morning, I am gently reminded of how God carried me through 4 decades of addiction and bitterness. I have learned to embrace my fears about the future and trust that God knows what He’s doing. So often God says no and I don’t understand, until the yes turns into a wonderful surprise that, like you said, turned out to be a much better plan. Today I walk alongside God in this journey of life, and even though I may falter, I trust Him and rest in knowing that He has a plan and a purpose for me. Sometimes I am heartbroken when I get a no, however, I try to look past that in great anticipation for what God is going to say yes too. I’m grateful today to be a survivor, an overcome and a mighty warrior in God’s army. Thank you so much for your service!!
I mend prayer to let go of wanting to be married! I need God to be enough, instead of feeling why am I not good enough?
Years ago we were applying for two Pastor positions. One kept us within an hours proximity to our living family. The other took us several days drive away from our family. I couldn’t see how God would not want us near our family but as Incried and prayed…. He lead us States and a plane flight away to a beautiful church plant. That was almost 20 years ago. We are no longer there at that church, but our best friends in life are from there and we have maintained our friendships through the years. We would have missed these dear friends, and we would have missed seeing and being a part of amazing miracles God did in that church plant had God not said “No” to my prayer to stay by my family. His plans are always better!!
My husband and I were ready to move to Honduras and start a ministry we believe God placed in our hearts. The ministry is to teach skills to moms who are impoverished so they can help their families. We then flooded and lost the supplies we had been collecting for 3 years. We know God is perfect in His thinking and His timing. We are waiting.
After 34 years of marriage my husband told me he no longer believes in God. I’m devastated.
That was 3 years ago and I still weep and pray for him every day.
Our home is so different now. It’s so lonely being the only believer. We used to pray together and discuss where God was leading us next.
I’ve never spent so much time in the Word and in prayer as I have these past 3 years. I’ve drawer so much closer to God. But my heart is so broken for my husband. Please pray that the Spirit will get through to his heart and he will repent and believe.
The loneliness is almost overwhelming. I’ve only shared this with a handful of people because it’s so difficult.
Pray that His yes will come soon in my life.
Please pray I discern the difference between no and never!!💖
For 13 years I’ve felt like God has more planned for me. But, everything I try, I either fail or I’m not happy at. I know now that over these years I was meant to stay home with my children. But, now they’re 8 & 13 & they’re in school everyday. I have suffered from major depression throughout these years & have tried to commit suicide 3 times. The doctors finally have gotten my depression under control but my bipolar is not. Please pray for my family & I. My 13 year old daughter now resents me & my husband is weary from having to deal with me. My family is falling apart & I can’t fix it. Only God Can at this point. Please pray that God will show me the path he has set for me & that he will keep our family together & heal all of us. Thank you for your words! They help me everyday see a little bit of light.
My husband and I lost our home in a tornado last fall. We had planned for it to be the place we would retire and live out our remaining years. After the storm – we thought maybe God didn’t want us to end up there. What we didn’t understand was God knew that we needed to be closer to our aging parents and be with them as their health declined. We moved in with my father-in-law and took care of him until he passed away this spring. My mother became ill and died within 2 weeks. It was a blessing to be with them in their final days.
Since then – God provided us with the finances to be able to rebuild from an estate settlement. We now have a beautiful new home in our favorite little spot.
What we thought was God saying no to living and retiring where we planned – He said yes to a much grander plan and blessed us with wonderful memories of time spent with our parents.
My husband lost his job many years back and we prayed fervently for a new job for him (we have 4 kids and then one income). We prayed and waited for 2 years, not knowing why God was telling him “No”, when each time we just knew he would get that “Yes”. After the two years, our youngest daughter was diagnosed with cancer, at the age of 4. Knowing she had no immune system, she wasn’t allowed to go to daycare or much in public and she needed home care. It finally hit us as to why God continued to give my husband a “No”. As a Mom, I wanted to be the one to stay with her, but in reality, my income was more and I carried the insurance. It made more sense all together! The days following the news that my daughter was in remission and could join the outside world again, my husband was called and offered a job! Isn’t it neat how God works!! He knew our needs all along and provided for us during all of these trials!
Thank you for this awesome post! I’m still laughing at backwards day.
You sound like a wise,fun,cool mom.
This blog helped me today so much,
Thank you.:)
I’m grateful I clicked on the link to visit you, Alicia!
I sure would appreciate anyone willing to pray for me.
Thanks everyone!
I feel as though I’m going through a season of “no” or perhaps that of “not quite yet, hold on, be patient”. I read a sign today that said “praise God because of and although” . I’m learning to see God’s hands in the details and give Him thanks for His continual love and grace.
I actaully have such a hard time wheb I get no and i wanted a yes, but God has shown me my tendecy to throw a fit when I dont get my way, I definitely know the “no’s” are for my good but man are they hard to accept…I pray the Lord will help me and everyone to accept the no and trust him for when he decideds its time for the “yes”
God’s “no” to my plan of inner-city mission work led me back to Bible college and ultimately to working with another mission organization where I met my wonderful husband. Thank you for the perspective of “no” to “yes.”
I would love to be apart of your group I’m a single mom with two teenage boys and caring for my 72 year young dad and 53 year young disabled brother so this seems like a breath of fresh air I’ve tried to venture out on my own but God has filled my plate with family seeing as my mom passed seven years ago and I’m the only female of six males and my dad so God’s no for now I know will be a yes later I’m so encouraged by your website please stay in touch have a blessed day.
Being a young adult today is fairly difficult at times. Life is simple yet complex all at the same time. Please pray for my ability to let go of the things/people that He has instructed me to and the courage to know that what He has planned for my future is better than the no I am releasing. Thank you !
Monet, you’re right.. being a young adult today is no easy thing. I’m praying that you will have strength to follow through with letting go and faith to believe that God will fill your freshly emptied hands with MORE than you can imagine. Thanks for taking time to linger here today. So thankful for the chance to pray with you and for you.
I am currently going through a “no”. While having some extensive repairs done to our home, my family of four, my husband, our 2 daughters, & myself, had to move in with my parents. What was only supposed to have taken 6wks, was extended to almost 2yrs now. Due to encountered trouble w/ finances, the house while livable has not been finished, although the hired contractor has finally completed all he will complete. As he was finishing up, about 2 months ago, my husband & I started our plans for finally being able to move back home. Finally being able to not have parental supervision & figures trying to still have control, my parents were told by their landlord that they’d been renting from for 12+ yrs that they would no longer be able to live there. With no found homes in the area that meet my parents needs (preferences) & budget, they have no other option than to move into our home with us, when we get to move back in. The difficulties presented by this living arrangement go far beyond just space, privacy, & independence, but I’m not going to go into it all. Please pray that I may be able to stay strong in my faith, trusting that God will turn this “no” into a “yes”.
Courtney, I am praying with you for God to take this difficult situation and grow much fruit in and through you.. for His creative provision and for a living situation that will allow you to thrive.
Thank you, Alicia, for your encouragement with the awesome reminder that our God loves us more than we can imagine & has instore what is best for us! Hard to imagine sometimes, but through life experiences, I’ve seen His love & care shine through. A year ago, when my hubby’s company closed the division he worked for & he lost his job of 14 years, we were forced to believe something better was coming. The same week, our almost 16-year old daughter suddenly lost vision in one eye & through that vision loss came a diagnosis of MS, which could’ve taken years to come to light without the vision problems. (PRAISE GOD her vision was restored!) God provided my husband with a new job almost immediately and one for me as well that worked with our girls’ school schedules. The Lord has provided our 16-year old with fabulous doctors & medicine that are keeping her healthy. We are so grateful, but I am still holding out hope that God will say ‘YES!’ to taking away all signs & symptoms of MS. In all, God has been & is so very gracious to our family. ♡♡♡♡
Staci, what a testimony of God’s faithfulness in trial. THANK YOU for sharing a bit of your personal journey here. Truly, your story buoys my confidence in Jehovah Jireh- Our God who will Provide. I am agreeing with you in prayer, “Jesus, You are the Great Physician and we believe fully that you can heal Staci’s daughter. Take away all signs and symptoms of MS and restore her to perfect health.. for your glory and for the fame of your name. AMEN.”
I’m still in a hard place. I don’t know what God is up to but I am slowly re building my relationship with Him through prayer and reading the Word. Specifically, I’m praying for a godly woman who would be able to mentor and help me through this very hard time.
I’ll echo your prayer for a godly mentor! Such a wise thing to request from the Lord:)
God has said NO the past few years during our financial problems with our business. He didn’t get us out of it, but sometimes we just got deeper and deeper into debt. As we trusted in him, he would give us our daily portion and we learned to lean on him , one day at a time. He is so faithful and loving!!
Oh, Janice, thanks for reminding us that sometimes He doesn’t lift us out of trouble but walks right through it with us. Praising Him with you as I hear of His faithfulness in your story.
In my career, I have never been without a job. Blessed with great opportunities that seemed to prepare me for the next best thing. The next thing usually came looking for me. Until now. My company is closing. After dec I won’t have a job, and no one is beating down my door…..I am anxious, nervous, unsettled, sad. My deep rooted self doubts are mounting……but Jesus! I am trying to pause….take a deep breath, and know that God is in control of this situation. I know he already has it all worked out! Opening this devotion today was yet again God speaking to me saying, be still and know that I am God. Thank you for heating from God, listening, and sharing this message I needed today!
Cathy, I am asking God to turn your anxiety into an expectancy.. may this HARD and DISAPPOINTING situation bring you face to face with His perfect provision.Praying Isaiah 26:3 over you right now.. “You (GOD) will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”
I’m truly challenged by this. Even a simple example of getting caught at the red light, which saved you from an accident ahead, to me it’s God watching out for His children, we might have been in a hurry, but He saw ahead and saved us from tragedy…He leads in the great and the small! Thanks for this amazing lesson today! Blessings!
He leads us in the great and in the small! Amen. Love that reminder today. Thank you.
A time when god’s no’s really meant yes would mean now waiting for god to meet my need of a good job before my elderly father dies he has said no for years god has but it is because there is a greater yes in the future
Joanna, it’s so hard to live in the “no.” I have been and will continue to pray for you.. asking God to meet all of your needs and to give you hope as you continue to trust Him with this hardship.
What an awesome holiday. If you would, could you please say a prayer for my oldest daughter. She has just recently started high school this year and is having difficulty. Her grades are dropping, as well as her interest in school activities and school as a whole. She has grown up most of her life in church but is pulling away from her faith and rebelling against her father and I. Her attitude towards God, church, family and life in general has changed drastically over the course of the past year and I worry for her… I know the enemy is fighting hard for her because she has so much potential to do amazing things for God and go so far in life. Thank you Alicia.
Amanda, I am praying with you for your daughter, and I agree– the enemy fights hard for our children. So glad we can battle in prayer and we have assurance that God is fighting for our children, too. May your daughter have a fresh run-in with Jesus and get a glimpse of His irresistible love for her once again. Praying that she will make her faith completely her own and find that Jesus satisfies all of her heart’s desires. And may our Faithful Father give you peace and wisdom as you trust Him in this difficult time as a mama, too.
God does keep His promises. There are times when we might not understand everything that is going on in our lives,and then our heavenly Father surprises us with something we didn’t think would happen which we would call a good surprise. At other times situations happen that are more challenging. Thankfully, at that time He is always with us even if it is “He is the footprints in the sand.”
Elsie, I love that poem, “footprints in the sand.” It’s such a reminder that even when we can’t see what God is doing, He’s always right beside us. Thanks for taking time to linger here with us today.
Hi Alicia,
I have a friend who’s children were physically and sexually abused by the father. Today they are 11, 9, 7. It starter when each of the kids were about 3-4 years old. They have since divorced when the kids were about 8,6,4. They have been living in hell these past years. My friend wasn’t aware of this happening until her daughter came to her one night and told her. The courage it must have taken for that little girl to speak up. The judge just came back and said he doesn’t believe the kids. And that unsupervised visits will continue. The anguish that my friend is feeling for her kids! I can’t imagine the pain she is feeling. So this is where God has said ‘no’. I guess we will have to be patient and wait for the yes.
My prayers are with those children. My own 2 oldest daughters went through something similar when they were young. The judge didn’t believe my baby either and was forced to live with her abuser. My girls are all grown and living their lives. With one of them, I believe we are still waiting on the YES. But one of God’s yes especially came in the former of a young precious stepmother. She is still a wonderful part of my daughters and my lives. She divorced the
Dad and he is not a part of any of our lives, but we are blessed to have stepmother and her husband and family. We are one in Christ!
Geralyn, I am so sorry for your and your daughters’ pain. And thank you for sharing your story as an encouragement of all of us who are waiting to see how God’s YES unfolds after heartbreaking NOs. What a gift for your daughter to not only have a loving mother, but a wonderful stepmother, too. What an incredible picture of God’s family as you embrace this stepmom and her husband as well. May God do more than you can ask or imagine in your daughters’ lives. May He bring beauty from ashes and redeem every teardrop shed in those painful years of abuse. Praying for you all
Launa, I am SO SORRY for your friend, her children, and the devastation that they’re experiencing. I honestly can’t make sense of all the horrors of this broken and mixed up world and it’s almost too much to bear when that brokenness touches the ones we love. I am joining you in crying out to God on behalf of this dear friend and her children.. asking Him to be the kids’ protector, refuge, strength, and song. Asking Him to fight for this precious family despite the judge’s ruling and to defend them with His love. Thanks for allowing all of us who linger here to battle in prayer on behalf of your friend.