Hope for Dark Nights…
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Today, at Proverbs 31, I’m talking about how hard it is to live life in the middle… in the middle of unanswered prayer, in the middle of unexpected circumstances, in the middle of the story God’s scripting with your life.
If you haven’t already read my devotion, you can find it at Encouragement for Today. But before you jump over there, be sure to grab the free printable I’ve included at the end of this post. It’s just a little gift for anyone who wants to turn middle ground into new ground for believing.
And before you leave, I’d love to share my secret for making it through the middle of those long dark nights…
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I hear the pitter patter of her stockinged feet before I feel the moist warmth of her breath on my cheek.
“Mommy? Mommy?”
Her voice is a mix of murmur and moan, and I prop myself up on one elbow to eyeball her through a sleepy slit. Again.
I avert my eyes from the green glow of my alarm clock, try not to calculate the mere crumbs of sleep I’ve been tossed since 1 A.M.
“Honey, what do you need now?” Exhaustion laces my words with an edge that sounds neither patient nor compassionate.
My six-year-old sighs, frustrated like her mommy.
It’s not her first visit to my bedside on this restless night. And we both just want to sleep.
“Mommy,” she whimpers, her cold hand inching along the mattress in search of a place to land. “I can’t keep my eyes closed…I just can’t.”
I uncurl my fist and offer my insomniac an open palm; then I roll out of bed and pray for an end to the mid-night madness. Maggie laces her slender fingers through mine and wordlessly, we trudge back up the stairs toward her lamp-lit bedroom.
For the fourth time since the moon has risen to it’s watchtower in the velvet sky, I pull the polka-dot comforter to my daughter’s chin and kiss the top of her tousled crown.
Then I kneel beside the bottom bunk and whisper prayers for peace and for rest.
Dear Jesus,
We know you are here right beside us. Please wrap your arms around Maggie and give her rest. Send your angels to stand guard over this room and sing songs over Maggie while she sleeps.
Paint Maggie’s dreams with glimpses of your goodness and fill her mind with your truth. I am praying for me as much as for my girl.
Give us peace, Jesus, and renew our strength when morning comes…
I can see Maggie’s eyelids droop in the muted glimmer of the night light, and I hope against hope that she will finally surrender to slumber.
I lift myself off the floor and begin tiptoeing toward the hallway, my mind already fixed on finding my own pillow once more.
And that’s when she says it, her voice sounding so small and ravaged in the blackness of night. “I wanna sleep, Mommy. But the quiet is too noisy.”
I’m tempted to laugh, but my stomach drops to my toes as the veracity of those incongruent words pierce my soul.
I’ve been in that place of unrest for a while now, in that long stretch between dusk and dawn.
And I know firsthand just how noisy the quiet can be in the middle….
In the middle of the darkness.
In the middle of the unexpected.
In the middle of the unknown.
I turn around and walk back to the bottom bunk; then duck my head and climb in bed beside my little girl. ‘Cause I know what it’s like to wait in darkness, to wait alone in that place where God seems silent and my doubts croon loud. We lay there, my daughter and I, our heads pressed together on her princess pillow, our hands laced as one.
And as the nightlight blinks in the corner, I remember one time at church camp when my counselor led us out into the woods at night. We hiked to the middle of the trail and then she asked us to turn off our flashlights. The path beneath our feet disappeared in the darkness and we stood frozen on the dirt path, seven junior high girls and me. But then, from somewhere on the trail ahead, our counselor spoke–
“Take two steps forward. Turn left. Watch out for the tree root. Just keep walking.”
And step by step, we followed her voice.
Some girls squealing. Others whimpering.
But all of us moving forward. And as our feet plodded along that dirt path, the darkness didn’t seem quite as dark anymore.
Maggie flops and sighs, and I find myself praying for a Word, begging my Savior to whisper hope into my middle like my counselor at church camp once did long ago.
You’re my Mighty Counselor, Jesus. And it feels like I’m walking in the dark.
Would you PLEASE say something? Anything? I’m straining to hear you, fighting to believe you’re here. But I can’t take another step without your voice to lead me on…
I wait for an answer, but the only sound is the thump of Maggie kicking me as she twists and turns, her sheets tangling about our legs.
I draw invisible circles on her back with my finger, rub her slight shoulders with soft squeezes.
She breathes deep and slows her fidgets. “Mommy? Remember that song you used to sing me when I was a baby? The Maggie song.”
“Mmmhmmm…”
“Could you just sing it to me now? ‘Cause then maybe the quiet won’t be so noisy…”
I smile in the dark and begin to sing my littlest girl’s song, the one I made up back in those days of rocking chair marathons and midnight feedings.
“Maggie Hope, you are my gift from God….”
I hum in the places I can’t remember the tune, and I make up new lyrics as we lie squashed together in the bottom bunk.
My daughter leans into me, the sliver of space between us disappearing.
Her arms go limp in my embrace and her eyelids flutter against my cheek as her breathing slows to a torpid tempo.
And I realize this–if we can’t hear our Savior’s voice, we are wise to listen for His hum.
Because the quiet doesn’t seem as noisy when we lean into His of songs of love.
Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you…
He’ll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs. -Zephaniah 3:16-17
Dear friends, are you stuck in the middle right now?
Waiting for a word of hope?
Leave me a comment and let me know how I can pray for you.
And don’t forget to grab this free printable, Hope for the Middle.
Perhaps it will help you hear your Savior’s hum in the darkness and turn your middle ground into new grounds for faith!
Just the message I prayed for this morning. I am in the middle waiting with abating breath to catch the Lord’s voice as He speaks to me. Unfortunately all I have hears is the silence which I agree is soooo loud. But I have been comforted that He actually is listening to me all the time. Thank you for this word.
There’s no way I can ever doubt the Lord is with me. I pray that God gives me wisdom, understanding, purpose & HEALING through this storm. I will forever praise HiM & know that HE is my fortress & my salvation.
How I’ve missed you and your words, Alicia. Thank you for your generous spirit and for always pointing the way back to Jesus. I’m in the final stretch of probably the fullest and one of the most challenging seasons of my life. I’m exhausted, fighting off a cold…I work today, then speak tomorrow and then lead a women’s retreat next weekend. I’m infinitely grateful for God’s provision and so so aware of my need in this place. “Every hour I need you…O God, how I need you.”
Grateful for all these ^^^ who’ve come to be lifted up. Thank you, God, that you see and know each one. May you bring your comfort, peace and presence in powerful ways. We trust in you, most loving God.
After praying over, nurturing, loving . . .guiding, modeling . . .sending our boys to a Christian school, taking family mission trips near and far, actively involved in a church; serving alongside them at homeless shelters, etc . . . .talking about what faith is all throughout their lives, and doing what every Christian parent does, my sons now have chosen to not believe in God. (They did “accept Jesus” at early ages – 4-5, but have now walked away.) Somehow in my younger years, I guess I foolishly believe that it was sort of like a recipe: you put certain things into their lives, and they would love Jesus. I know, of course, that God loves them more than me . . . and that He gives us a choice . . . but I never in a million years dreamed that my boys would walk away from the Lord. They are not making poor life choices – they are not prodigals in the sense of choosing drugs or any other thing that could harm them or others . . . they are caring, giving, sweet young men who in the eyes of the world are “great kids”. They just simply choose not to believe. My husband and I know their story isn’t written . . . but the “middle” hurts. Yesterday was the first Easter that none of them chose to attend church, even for Easter. Wow. They are in their late teens/early 20’s, finishing high school and in college. Pray for softened hearts for them . . . that God would send mentors into their lives, and that while we are “in the middle”, that we would have faith, and not lose hope. Thank you . . . God sent your message to me on the exact day I needed it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dear Sisters in Christ,
I have been praying for you while I read your comments. The agony of the middle places where you find yourselves is excruciating. Our Abba has a plan to use it for your good, whether it is to refine your character, or to bear witness to others about what it looks like to depend on God through our trials.
I have been through some middles, myself. Infertility that God used to bless me by not allowing me to have children with my abusive ex-husband. That nearly 20-year marriage that He used to refine me and teach me that God is all I need. The hysterectomy that was scheduled a month before I met my biggest blessing- my dear husband, and my second biggest blessing- his young son, who has become the child of my heart. The nights of uncertainty and probably some jealousy before God made my stepson’s mother and I in to friends.
Whatever your middle, He walks through it with you, sweet sisters!
Thank you, Alicia, for sharing your heart and those precious, though sleepless, moments with your dear daughter!
Standing in the middle and unsure of what to do. please pray for wisdom, comfort and lifting of this dark mire of depression I in.
A good word indeed as I wait for the Lord to heal my family. Pray for son who has gone through divorce and is reeling and for his young children. And yes, his ex-wife too! May they all draw near to Jesus and may He bring restoration!
waiting for miracles and feeling a bit stuck in the muck of waiting
Prayers to hear Gods Voice, if not a hum. I feel so alone in the middle. Struggling with the the hurt and pain of my son struggling with drug addiction. I really need prayer to help me choose faith over fear. I feel so fearful and hopeless, as each day brings new pain. Please pray for my son Jason salvation and freedom from this suffering. I ask for strength for myself and family and that we would not feel the hopelessness that we feel now but remember that God is working on the happy ending. Thank you for these encouraging words today as they are so very much needed. Thanking the Lord that my sons life was not taken in car accident that he just had Saturday night.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today and is confirmation that I have been in the middle too long regarding my business and I need to step into the doorway that God has opened for me and get out of the middle and be on the end. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you to minister to women with so many different reasons for being in the middle. I know God has a plan for me and you were my second confirmation today of where my business and my life is going.
Parabéns Joaquim Barbosa, pela postura, estava demorando alguém ser coerente no STF, lamento por seu colegas não estarem lhe apoiando, mas saiba que todo cidadão brilisearo honesto estará ao seu lado!
Hey! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I’m getting fed up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be great if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.
I’m impressed. You’ve really raised the bar with that.
Stuck in the middle is exactly where I am. My 24 yr old son has thrown me out of his life. I sent him a long handwritten letter expressing my unconditional love for him but it came back “rejected” today. Rejected! As his mother, that hurts so much! Praying that God will change his prideful heart and restore our family again. Please pray that somehow, someway, he will allow me to attend his wedding in July. I am clinging to one of God’s promises that God will turn this mess into something good for His Glory.
Romans 8:28. Trying to let go & let God!
I’m very lonely and disappointed with life. I long for a companion but have no husband or children. I’ve lost my parents and am not close to siblings. My low-paying stop-gap job truly depresses me but I can’t seem to muster the direction and self-confidence to get out of it and follow a more rewarding path. At the root of this unraveling of my life is an anxiety disorder that has left me feeling overwhelmed with life, guilty for not figuring out how to overcome, worthless, hopeless, and stuck.
_The middle_, _the white space_, _the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday_
I read your devotional e-mail through Proverbs 31’s Encouragement this morning. The part where Hannah cried during the story of Lazarus and tried to later explain the sadness, despite knowing that Jesus had made everything alright. The part where she whispered, “Even if you know the ending, the middle can still hurt.”
Three different devotions from different places I’ve read over the last couple of days, plus your blog, all in some way addressed _the middle_.
Like your blog and when the quiet is too noisy, one devotion talked about when God is quiet and how the wilderness experiences are white spaces. He didn’t talk about how music isn’t just the notes, you need space between the notes to have music, but that image crossed my mind.
And then there was the devotional about Saturday, the Saturday in between Good Friday and Easter Sunday and how it was in between despair and joy. I hadn’t thought before about Saturday– imagined how it would have been for Jesus’ disciples, friends, family. The reality sinking in.
They didn’t yet fully know the ending. But just has Hannah pointed out, “even when you know the ending, the middle can still hurt.”
I’m there. In the white space, in the quiet where I haven’t been able to hear His voice even while knowing He sings over me. There in that middle place, which hurts so awfully, awfully much.
Please pray for my daughter Allie. Clinically, severely depressed and I am so afraid.
Broken heart longing to have a child, 5 1/2 years of infertility, not sure what God’s plan is for us…just waiting in the middle. Trusting that his plan is perfect even if it doesn’t look like ours. But oh is it hard. Please pray for perseverance in this time. Thanks.
Been stuck so long in the middle I don’t know which way to go many health issues prevent me from socializing well including depression I feel like I supposed to be doing something but I have no dreams or ideas of what it is I’m supposed to be doing. Seems like everyone around me is accomplishing things starting a Bible study starting a new business etc. I keep praying asking God and saying Trust in the Lord with all my heart and relying on my own understanding submitting all my ways to him so he will make my paths straight. So please pray for me for guidance
please pray for restoration in my immediate family and to claim victory in Jesus Name
Praying for you. I know your pain.
Stuck in the middle of marriage restoration. Separated Oct 2013, husband filed for divorce Feb 2014. I moved back in our home with husband and 3 children June 2014, husband rescheduled the divorce hearing from Jan 2015 for 6 months down the road (July 2015). I’m scared, worried, and sad, but still hopeful as God has brought me thru many trials already and brought me this far. Please pray for reassurance of the vision of marriage restoration that God gave me over a year ago; as well as courage to keep fighting for my husband and our marriage. Pray that God changes my husbands heart and that the divorce is thrown out.
Feel like I’ve been stuck in the middle for several years. Life just doesn’t seem to work out for my family as for jobs, housing, etc. Waiting on God’s plan has become increasingly difficult.
Please pray for my son. He suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. It breaks my heart to see him grow depressed as he struggles with these.
Please pray for restoration with y two daughters. I truly do not know what to do or even the problem. I have reached out numerous times to no avail. I know they were the gods in my life and the relationship needed to be changed. Seems to get worse not better. I need hope and encouragement. I miss them so much and y grandchildren so much. I was so involved with them and they just seem not to want me around. It is like a satanic attack. The one daughter has been over two years the other a year. They do not speak to me, truly my husband and I have no idea the cause. Thank you! My oldest son died at age 19.
Need to hear God’s voice don’t know what to do I’m stuck in the middle
I sooo get that. I will pray for His Voice loud and clear to us..For ears to hear and eyes to see and strength to persevere..
My husband & I are stuck in the middle as we wait for a job for him. It’s been almost 6 months since his position was eliminated, and we’re weary. God is using this time to refine us, our hope is in him, yet it’s a daily struggle to find joy & peace in this storm.
It was so lovely to read your story about you and your daughter. I long for those days again, to be abke to stroke her long beautiful hair, kiss her forehead and talk all night. Oh how I loved them. How can I when my 26 yr old daughter will barely talk to me and we have no relationship because of hurt and pain that past events have caused. I have been stuck like this for almost 7 years now. I pray for forgiveness restoration healing. As I stand here in the middle waiting on my God doing my best to balance all the weights in my life afraid that if I make one decision just one bad decision it will all come crumbling down.
I’ve been in the middle for more than 4 years now, ever since my husband’s massive stroke, caring for him at home. A couple of years ago, added my 85-year-old mother and 89-year-old aunt into the mix. They’re at a local retirement center but depend on me for meds, all financial matters, etc etc etc. Feeling like a prisoner of others’ needs and little hope of anything changing in the foreseeable future. The ending (heaven) will be wonderful but the middle is horrid. All prayers gratefully accepted.
This devotional hit so close to my heart as I deal with the fact that I have no relationship with our 35 year old son. It hurts to have a card returned but even more when a letter is sent trying to open communication only to have it returned with a note saying he did not read the letter because I had wanted to have his father present when our son was suppose to visit to unload to me all of the hurts that I have created in his life. Perfect parent – no – but clearly never did anything intentionally to hurt him – and there are so many issues with him that we as a family have dealt with – just impossible to believe I have raised a son who holds anger and grudges and can’t accept responsibility for his part in any issue. I realize now that he has a personality disorder and that the boundary I set was appropriate but the hurt in being cut away from him and his life is just huge – yes, stuck in the middle is clearly where I am. Praise God for Proverbs 31 and GIG who remind me that especially when I am in the middle that God is working his healing in all of our lives.
i too feel stuck in the middle. So saddened by the way life has turned out and just can’t see how anything that’s happened will be used for good but know ultimately it will. Praying for strength and perseverance and joy.
Praying for you, Vicki. May give you a glimpse of His presence today and hold you close in this disappointing middle ground.
Thank you for using your gifts faithfully to bless others. I too, like these other women, am “in the middle”, waiting to hear from the Lord regarding a move and job change. Please pray that I can hear God’s voice and know His will and direction, together with my husband.
Pray that i continue to get guidance from God on raising my 3 children alone, also for patience, im ready for love, and a husband and just a life partner to share my journey with, also open up my mind to new ways to make income and really reveal my purpose.
I was led to the article about Lazarus…stuck in the middle…because of my son Jonathan. He was 24 years old and 3 weeks ago today passed away from suicide. We had been believing for a miracle of healing for his mental heath issues (bi polar) and for his return to the Lord. You talk about hope. That God is in the miracle business. Apparently, our faith and love was not enough for our son. We had lots of people praying for him as well. God answered our prayers, just not the way we wanted. I still believe in God, but now I know to leave the answers in His hands. Expectation minus reality equals disappointment. Jonathan’s reality was too much for him to bear. Right now, your blog is not that encouraging. Had you been through this, maybe I would listen a bit more.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sometimes hearing “God’s ways are not our ways” just doesn’t help. The pain is still there. But God does know how this will work into your future. For now though, I’ll just pray that your constant ache will be comforted. God bless you.
Marie Kahnke, I can’t imagine what you are going through, I am so sorry. I’m probably going to step into theological/doctrinal quicksand but I’m not all that big on any of those things anyway. As far as I’m concerned, the bible doesn’t address suicide. Some people point to the sin of murder and say suicide is self murder, I don’t believe that. People who kill themselves are in such pain that they obviously feel they can’t go on, I feel nothing but compassion and a need to erase their pain, can you imagine how much more our Savior feels those same things? I think of Matthew 20 1-16, that guy hired workers right up until the last hour. They say in a life threatening accident, trauma, etc. your life flashes before your eyes. If your son wasn’t right with the Lord lately, but was at one time, I can’t believe he would kill himself knowing he hadn’t gotten right. I can believe however that he had time to make things right and to tell the Lord that he just couldn’t go on here anymore and needed to go to his Father. If that’s the case he received his wages even in the last hour. Do I believe suicide is the answer to any problems? No way, but even though I’m willing to work all day, I certainly don’t mind him getting the same wages as me even if he only worked five minutes. I’m praying that God gives you peace about your son,
Love,
Kellie
Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your honesty and your authenticity. I agree, God’s answers don’t always make sense and I can’t imagine the devastation of losing a child. I have no words that can reach into your deep depths of pain right now, but I do believe that the Spirit of God can pray for us, crying out with the words we don’t have (Romans 8:26). So I will pray – as will many of the women who have stopped by here today–and together, we will ask the Spirit to minister to your heart in only the way He can.
Praying for each of you. Please lift up my son who has turned from God’s way and his heart is hard.
Pray for thanksgiving, God has found me in the middle, help me cling to Him. Pray I finally truly lay it all at His feet!
Sitting in the middle through divorce proceedings. My husband left and I’m struggling daily with fear as I seek God’s hope for a secure future. For a sense of joy again. Rumblings of change in my job, too. Friends remind me over and over that we are commanded not to fear. But I am afraid. I am. Lord, give me peace. Help me to release this fear.
I am always so encouraged by your words. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight!
i enjoyed your devotional, so good!! Please pray for my health and the strength to endure the pain. Thank you and may our wonderful Saviour richly bless you.
Please pray that God takes away my stronghold & brings me the husband He has chosen for me. Thank you.
Prayers to help me hear God’s hum in the dark because I’m really stuck in the middle right now and don’t know what to do…I want to persevere in my marriage but it’s very hard right now.
And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Exodus 33:14
Our beautiful children in Heaven , Riley , Little Muffin & Sweetpea. You know I'm also rebmmeering Carleigh & Jordanalong with all those other beautiful little lives gone to soon. Love ya always
Aiyoh…. you really ‘sai sum’… Don’t think I have that type of patient… except for cupcakes! Well, business is different compared to hobby I guess… Hope you have a good rest!
To hear the hum… And faith and courage to keep waking in the darkness.
Prayer for patience and understanding in a time of change. My husband has a new job opportunity and my daughter moving 3500 miles away from me. I want the best for both of them but I have the “what if ” and I’m scared of change.
Prayers for guidance for how to guide my children through these teenage years; for what God is preparing me for…I’ve been in the middle for a long time and I need strength for the journey. New friends and a sudden increase in my business with protection from the parade of spirit crushers. Thank you!
Waiting to hear from God for guidance regarding future…Please pray .Thank you and God bless
And He said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Exodus 33:14