The Inspire Series: The Color of Grace

If you’ve ever had a friend who chases so hard after Jesus that you feel breathless when you’re with her, then you’ll understand why I LOVE Jen Ferguson.

Jen’s a girl who is passionate about Jesus and helping people to know how to walk intimately with Him.

Jen’s a girl who makes me want to race after my Savior until I run into His arms.

I have no doubt that once you meet my friend, you’ll be inspired to do the same. 

Here’s Jen…

For most of my life, I have lived in a world that is only black and white, where there is north or south, yes or no, here or there, right or wrong. Shades of gray existed only in a foreign land, in which I was fearful to step foot. I equated this land of gray with the wilderness, a place where I feel lost, unsure of my footing, and usually helpless. I cannot see clearly where I am going and I find myself grasping at the tiniest bits of light in hopes that, finally, a direct path will be illuminated.

Recent events in my life, though, have uncovered a fantastic truth. It is one that I would have never thought to look for in this land of foggy nothingness.

Grace is gray.

In a black and white world, there exist only two choices: right or wrong. Throughout my life, from an early age, I discovered that God has a plan, a “best” plan, and because of my competitive nature and my desire to please, I have for the most part stuck to The Plan. I learned to ask God a lot of questions before I delved into something. I prayed for discernment. I asked others to pray. I sought answers in the Scriptures. I wanted to know with every fiber of my being that I was making the right choice because I didn’t want to be wrong. I didn’t want to be punished or laughed at or a failure. I wanted to follow His plan because I wanted the protection it seemed to afford, and like most people-pleasers, I didn’t want to find myself in trouble.

But what happens when suddenly I become unsure of The Plan? What happens when I go to God with my questions and He doesn’t answer them? What happens when my continual pleas for direction and light and concrete, step-by-step instructions are met with silence? I’ll tell you what happens —

I fall apart.

I become awash in fear. I whine and complain that He isn’t there. I lay out every thing that could possibly go awry. I check and double-check my motives. I turn inward and think I must be doing something wrong. I drown in the muck and mire. I stumble on the briars. I lose hope.

But then, in the grayness, there it is. His Hand outstretched. Grace. Grace to not know, but still take a step. To consider that maybe, at this time, there is no right or wrong answer, but just an opportunity to explore a new experience. And knowing that with that step, there are no guarantees of success. People could laugh; I could be wrong.

But there is a freedom of striking out on faith alone.

Stepping out in the unknown means I’m finally willing to risk all my pride, all my self-protective instincts, all my fear of failure.

And, in the end, if the road I seek to pave out of the wilderness is not the right one, even if I am still awash in the gray for awhile longer, I know that His Hand will still be holding mine, extending grace, extending redemption. 

For through this process, through finding grace in the gray, I have unclasped the leash of fear that kept me tethered to God because I was afraid of punishment.

And instead, I have clasped my hand in His, knowing that He will always love me, always watch over me, and direct me if I begin to go astray. And I will lovingly serve my God who empowers me to walk in faith.

   Jen is passionate about Jesus and walking in community with sisters in Christ to better know Him and make Him known to the world.

While there are many facets to her life, she actively tries to live without labels so to live in the fullness of who God created her to be.