A Fear Filled Momma: A Guest Post and A Giveaway
I remember the first time I felt overcome with “momma fear.” I was sitting in the rocking chair with my brand new baby in the midnight hours when an unsolicited thought fell straight out of the darkness and dropped into my heart.
“What if something happens to him?”
I’d been home from the hospital for only three days and I already loved the tiny bundle in my arms more than I’d imagined was humanly possible. But in that rocking chair in the quiet of night, that vast love made me feel vulnerable. What if this deep love was just a set-up for deep loss?
My tiny son wiggled in my arms, and I struggled to catch my breath. My mind whirred with wild “what if”s” and imaginary catastrophes. And as the moonbeams waltzed through the window, fear trampled across my heart and pummeled my peace. And this new momma cried right along with the baby on that long-ago summer’s night when fear took me captive.
My friend, Maria Furlough, understands what it means to be a fear-filled momma. She knows how a mind can run wild with fright and how a heart can sink heavy beneath the weight of worry. And she knows what it’s like wake up one day and face her worst fear in the face. But more importantly, Maria knows the victory of fearless living.
When I first met Maria at our Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference a couple of years ago, she’d just sat through a workshop I was teaching on chasing our dreams and chasing the kids, too! And when it was over, this mom of five sobbed on my shoulder and shared her passion for Jesus and her heart for seeing women set free. We swapped stories and prayers and hopes that day, and God did what God does best and opened doors for Maria to share her message with other moms who are longing to leave behind their chains of fear. That’s why I’m elated to welcome Maria to the Overflow today to tell us more about her new book, Breaking the Fear Cycle. So pull up a chair and get ready to be inspired. And before you go, be sure to enter to win a free copy of Maria’s book for yourself or for a friend.
A fear filled momma.
That used to be me. Every night before my head hit the pillow (and most minutes in between) my mind would stir with fearful thoughts about my children and loved ones.
What if they died?
What if I died?
What if I ruin them?
What if my nutritional plan (or lack thereof) is not good enough?
What if I cannot raise them to be functioning members of society?
What if they don’t love Jesus!?
What if they don’t love me?
What if I fail?
As I am sure you can imagine I could sit here for a lifetime and never stop coming up with things to list. I was fearful, I was troubled, I was anxious and I never did a thing about it. I stood there, accepted it as life, and bandaided over my fears with safety kits and vitamins as best as I could.
I wonder, can you relate?
If you would have asked me back then if I believed fearless living was possible I would have said “no way.”
Today, as I sit here with you, I can assuredly say that it is.
Almost four years ago to the date God walked me through a valley that I always feared. Pregnant with my fourth child I learned that my boy Gideon would not live long after birth. He would have a healthy life in my pregnant belly, but once born he would not have the organs he needed to sustain life.
I was broken in pieces and my fear filled Momma heart was about to kill me dead once and for all. I could hardly get out of bed in the morning, never mind make it through a day, because my fears of carrying my heaven baby were too much.
I was not equipped.
I was not armed.
I never confronted my fear before.
I had a choice: fight or surrender. With what little energy I had I chose to fight, and what immerged was a practical, tangible, and Biblical journey from fear to peace.
Truth is, if God calls to not be afraid, He has got to give us a way to do it.
Yes, there is a way.
I would love to share with you an example of the few ways that I tackle fear today. What I do when fear comes and I how I live so much freer than I used to.
Step one. Get. It. All. Out.
Ephesians 5:8-9 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth).”
When I picture our fears I picture them festering in the darkness. In the deep recesses of our lives they whisper constant lies and somehow convince us to pay attention to them. We need to expose them! Bring them out of the darkness and into the light of Christ so that He can heal them and redeem them.
To do this it takes courage, but it is so worth. It is worth to live as the free children of light that we are.
Are you ready? Will you be brave with me?
Ready set go.
Name your fears. Name them all. In gory and specific detail list them out. Don’t stop writing until you cannot think of anymore. The most common response I have heard from this exercise is, “I had no idea how much I feared!”
I don’t want to live in darkness anymore. Everytime fear comes (and It will always come) I take time to bring it to God and define it to Him. Together, at His feet, we dig through questions like:
Why am fearing this?
Does this fear touch a place I believe God cannot reach?
Is this fear actually happening or am I imagining that it is?
What do God’s promises tell me?
With my heart laid bare on the page I can begin to give God the pieces of me that He needs in order to overcome my fearful moments.
Step two. Make the right choice.
When we fear we have a choice. We can either react to it or bring it to God.
When fear hits you what do you do? If an outside observer could take notes while you were fearing, what would they see?
Fear has a way of causing us to do crazy things (or not do amazing things) and we don’t even see fear as the ultimate culprit.
When I first found out about Gideon’s diagnosis I was so reactionary to every fear that came to my mind. One time I even called doctors in other states to see if they would do a c-section at 24 weeks. Fear would hit me about not being able to endure my time of waiting and so I would try to conjure up a way to solve my fear issue. By the end of my pregnancy God taught me a new way: when fear comes stop everything and run to the Father.
King David’s Psalms are so good to model for us what this looks like. Psalm 56:3-4 says this, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God – whose word I praise – in God I trust and I am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
David had to loudly claim that he trusted God over his fear. Why? Because he was afraid! Over and over again in the Psalms David spends verses
telling God all that he is scared of (read Psalm 55) but every time he ends the same. With trust.
I call these my David prayers, they sound something like this.
Lord I am afraid right now! I am afraid of failure, loss, sadness, death, pain (fill in the blank) and I don’t want to react to my fear. Instead I am coming to you, I am telling you all about it and I am trusting God that through the power of your Holy Spirit you will help me find a way out. Help me Lord, when I am afraid to trust in you.
I don’t take lightly the claim that fearless living is possible. But friends I was hard headed and stubborn and it took something as large as losing a child for me to finally bring my fearful self to God instead of ignoring it.
My prayer for Breaking the Fear Cycle is that my journey steps might be helpful to you too. That together we can take all the fear fighting steps together and that you might even add in a few of your own.
I have been praying for you. For you especially my fellow fearful Momma, God has a redemption story for you. I will keep praying for you always!
The Giveaway
To enter for your chance to win a signed copy of Maria’s book Breaking the Fear Cycle, just leave us a comment and (let’s be brave together) share one of your fears you want to be free from. (U.S. Addresses only please).
Maria is a wife, a mother of five, the team lead of women’s ministry at Lake Forest Church in Huntersville, North Carolina, and author of the book Breaking the Fear Cycle. She has been writing and teaching Bible studies for 14 years and currently writes on the blog True Worth at www.mytrueworth.org.
I’ve always been afraid of so many different things over the years. Health issue what if’s and driving. I was hit by a truck when I was 15. But, right now I’m so afraid, no petrified of getting dementia when I’m older. My mom,whom I love so very much is dealing with it right now and it’s breaking my heart. It’s hard to have a conversation with her now because her responses no longer make sense which saddens me because she and I before all of this,could talk for hours about anything and everything. She becomes angry and spiteful at night and says hurtful things. Which,since I live so far away my sister has had to endure. All of this is break my heart but it really has me very fearful. I don’t want it. I don’t want to forget my husband or son. I don’t want to become mean or spiteful toward them. I feel so sorry for my mom because this is not her. It’s sad. This is my fear. I don’t want to forget. I’ve always had short term memory. Having that scares me to death because there’s always that what if. Dementia has now become my biggest fear. I hope and pray I will be spared and it’s not hereditary.
I have been plagued with fears and insecurities, anxiety and depression at greater and seldom lesser degrees all my life. I AM 62 and would like to get a handle on this so I can live the rest of my life more peaceful. We have been through so much, people would think it must be fiction. Many scars and wishes for God’s healing touch!
I have fears but never admit then because I thought it showed a lack of faith. So when I read this, it hit home. Now I may find the courage to writem them out in prayer. Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to reading your book. Many women will be set free.
I am 32 years old & feel like I’ve spent most of my life fearful of something. When I was young it was fear of losing my mom to the health problems she had at the time. Now that I’m a mom of my own I fear something happening to me (cancer, car wreck, etc.) that causes my children to have to grow up without me. I’m so tired of living in fear. I feel like I go through seasons when I’m really good & then bam something else causes my anxiety to go into over drive. Lord please help me overcome my struggle!
A fear that I always had has been realized and that is that one of my children would walk away from Christianity. It was the one who always seemingly had a heart to win the lost. I struggle daily with the thoughts that I failed as a mother and my flesh daily points out my many faults. I also struggle with the hurtful comments of others. I am learning to meditate more on scripture and claim it and to realize that only God can change a heart.
This is exactly what I needed to hear in these wee hours of the morning. I am a mom of 2 biological kids…my heart and soul. But I am also a foster mom. I fear every day for my first foster baby and the situation in which she is currently living. The fear has crippled me and disrupted every area of my life, to the point where I told my husband I couldn’t do this anymore. I was ready to give up God’s calling for our family because of my fears.
Through my dear husband’s gentle nudging, I went to a local Christian counselor to reveal my fears. The more I talked about them, the more free I felt. I am still a work in progress, but God has done amazing things to help heal my fears. I no longer doubt that he cares. I no longer fear that this situation is too big for him to handle. He loves our little girl so much more than I could ever imagine. He can do anything. I need only step back and watch (and pray!) As his masterpiece for her life unfolds.
And now I have a new little life to pray over. We accepted a call to bring another little one into our fold. We bring her home from the hospital tomorrow. God’s got this. And he holds it all in his masterful hands.
I have fear and anxiety a lot these days. It might be as simple as not wanting to drive for being afraid I will be in an accident. My strongest fear is that I am going to die early in my life(I’m 48 right now). My dad was 51 when he passed away from ALS and I have a fear of not growing old and getting to enjoy my time with my grandson and other grandchildren I might have in the future, not getting to continue enjoying my time with my husband and children. My fear seems to be getting stronger the closer that I get to hitting 50. Thank you for your post and the opportunity to win a copy of your book.
I fear making the wrong choices in the care of our mentally ill child and the repercussions our decisions for him have on his three siblings.
I’m afraid of not finding balance to take care of me and the rest if my family as a new mom with chronic health issues.
I am afraid of not being in control and watching my adult children make mistakes.
Thank you for your beautiful words about fear ❤️I have spent to many years consumed by darkness, my new strategy is look to Jesus for his light, when things go wrong, before the darkness overtakes me. Facing things that you could never imagine coming through, with Jesus right beside me. Thank you for your reassuring words.
Yes Alicia, I was the same way. ALL the fears festering inside and just constantly waiting for the hammer of life to fall on me. When the hammer of life did fall on me I was so mad at my fears, stealing so many joy filled moments and filling them with fear instead. I pray that this book might find you well, from one secret fearing heart to another secret fearing heart.
Hmmm….Well, since I am afraid of just about everything (even though my family and friends would say I am fearless, because I keep all my fears internalized), it will be hard to narrow it down to one….But fear of something happening to one of my kids is a huge one…I have three kids (ages 12, 11, and 10) and every time any one of them walks out the front door, I think to myself, “Is this the day when one of them comes to harm?” Needless to say, this is an awful way to live one’s life.
I just found out I’m pregnant. I’m super excited but also super fearful that I will have a miscarriage. I don’t know where that fear comes from, everything went fine with my first pregnancy but that is a fear I’m trying to fight. This post is very timely for me. Thank you so much for sharing.
Oh Jessica, I am praying for you now. I know that fear well and I am so sorry that you are struggling in that way. I worried about that a lot too, praying that you might find peace in those fearful moments and that God helps you to take those thoughts captive and tell the lies to take a hike!
I have quite a few fears, though not quite as many as I used to thankfully. Sometimes I’m afraid of straying from God and of my heart becoming hardened to the point where I won’t follow Him anymore. Change scares me too, the fear of not making the right decisions and screwing up somehow. I liked your post though, and thanks for the chance of winning your book.
Oh yes, I have that one too, fear of making the wrong decisions and screwing up! I am so glad that you don’t have as many now as you used to, what a huge blessing. Thank you for sharing Megan!
Why is it a comfort to learn that others struggle with fear, too? I guess because I am encouraged that you tell me you are now free from this. I have struggled with fear my whole life in spite of believing in the atoning blood of Jesus for my sins since I was eight. I read the scriptures, they comfort me for a short while, then I fall right back into letting my fears take away my peace and joy. How I would love to live free from fear! Right now, my mom is 86 and battling Alzheimer’s. I fear what this disease will end up doing to her, our relationship, and my entire family. My own daughter suffers with great fear and anxiety as a new mom. I think I passed this fearfulness on to her and it makes me sad. How I would love to model living without fear for her. I am so looking forward to reading this book and laying my fears at the feet of Jesus.
Oh Ivy, my heart hurts with yours! I believe that maybe just maybe we find encouragement from the fear of others because it gives us hope that we are not alone. God has never intended for us to suffer in secret. Freedom is possible, it doesn’t come easy, but the God that is big enough to raise from death to life is surely big enough to raise US from death to life. Praying over you today sweet Ivy that God’s hope would meet you anew and that His amazing comforting peace would meet you right where you are.