Have you ever wished you had a treasure trove of great ideas for those days when motherhood feels draining and mundane?
Ever longed forjust one tried and true tipthat has actually been used successfully by REAL MOMS with REAL KIDS?
Me, too!
That’s why I’ve created Tuesday’s Tips–a weekly post designed to reduce frustration and multiply inspiration in the wacky and wearisome trenches of motherhood.
Of course, a good idea is meant to be shared.So don’t keep those jewels for yourself! If you discover something that makes motherhood a little easier, a little more exciting, or a bit more meaningful, please let me know. I’d love to feature your idea on an upcoming Tuesday. Just leave a comment after this post or email me at rbruxvoort@iowatelecom.net
How to Slay Play
(Or what not to do if you want to raise playful children!)
Last week after I shared a few of my favorite ways to grow playful children, a reader asked me, “What do you think diminishes a playful spirit?”
I’ve been musing on that great question all week and I decided to compile a list.
Here are a few of the things that kill playfulness at my house…
1. Hurry
When I am in a hurry, I don’t have time to pause and study the caterpillar on the sidewalk with my budding scientist. I don’t have time to jump over the cracks in the sidewalk or splash in the puddles in the parking lot.
I’ve learned that if I choose NOT to schedule my day to the brim, the kids will fill in the gaps with creative play. However, if I pack our days too full, they will be too tired and crabby to dream up a great idea and make it happen.
2. Calendar Clutter
Today’s parents are bombarded with endless options for their children. They can sign up their kids for sports, drama, music, or church events as soon as the little munchkins are potty trained!
While taking advantage of extracurricular activities isn’t a bad idea (our kids are involved in many great programs), parents are wise to be mindful of their children’s need to be rather than to do.
In the powerful book, Home Court Advantage, Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, development and clinical psychologist and professor at the Wright Institute in Berkley, is quoted as saying: “In our efforts to produce Renaissance children who are competitive in all areas, we sqeulch creativity.”
Creativity grows out of being far more than from doing.
In his book, Romancing Your Child’s Heart, Monte Swan says: “The missing element in many parent-child relationships is a matter of being, rather than doing.
3. Screen Time
Of all the potential play killers, I think this one is ravishing the creativity of America’s children at an astonishing rate.
Television, video games, i-pads, smart phones- are all just elaborate “pacifiers.” While they seem to calm our children, they actually breed passivity and playless-ness.
While screen time can be justified as a child’s “down time,” most often screen time is just an easy way for a mom to get a break. But the truth is, the price of this “babysitter” ends up being rather high.
In her marvelous book, Not So Fast, Anne Kroeker writes:
“Suppose someone showed up at our door offering to sell us a hypnotic device guaranteed to ‘pollute our children’s morals, stunt their intellectual development, rob them of their imagination and likely lead them toward obesity and poor grades.’ We’d likely run them off. Instead, we not only welcome them into our home, we make sure they set up their wares in eery room in the house.’
According to family counselor and author Kevin Lehman, kids don’t need mindless time, they simply need un-filled time.
But if you’re like me, those unfilled spaced of time are sometimes a mom’s worst nightmare.
Because before free time leads to wonderful play, it usually leads to boredom.
However, when boredom is correctly handled, it can serve as a beautiful bridge to creativity.
Just on the other side of a boring hour is a marvelous idea waiting to happen.
When children learn to press through the white space rather than defaulting to a screen, they develop the priceless gifts of imagination, problem-solving, and independent thinking.
As a mom, don’t fear boredom. Fill your home with plenty of resources for play and let your kids dream up a new game, a new story, a new invention.
A stick, a stone, a pile of dirt, an old sheet tossed over a table- can spark dreams and stories and imagination like no screen ever could.
Since my children were toddlers, I’ve enforced screen limits so much that I’ve been affectionately dubbed the Screen Nazi.
When they were small, I gave my kids each two “screen tickets” a day.
Each ticket, made from colorful posterboard, was worth half an hour of screen time (t.v. or video games) and once my kids used up their tickets, the screens were off limits.
If they wanted to watch a movie that lasted over an hour, my children learned to save up their tickets for a few days and then cash them in for a movie night.
The system has worked wonderfully and a decade later I don’t even need those tickets.
My children rarely ask to turn the television on even once a day.
You can print out your own tickets here.
The screen battle has been a war worth waging.
It hasn’t always been convenient, but it has been invaluable.
As a result of standing firm, I’ve savored the gift of watching creative and playful children grow. I’ve had the privilege of parenting kids who can think big thoughts and dream big dreams and devise their own fun without depending on a small blinking screen to entertain them. And their play inspires me!
What diminishes a playful spirit at your house?
What have you done to battle those things that slay play? What is one way you hope to grow your children’s imagination this summer? Please share, we’re all in this together!
ok, Sherri- perfect and balance don’t really define me. But, oh, how I wish they did! I do love the way the Lord can balance our souls even when the minutes feel crazed. I think our kids can sense that balanced soul, don’t you?
Good post my friend! I really need help in the hurry area – find myself hurring even when I don’t need to. When we are out exercising, Jen is often off her bike finding a bird nest or looking at designs in rocks! 🙂 She doesn’t struggle with hurry!!!!! ~Robin
This is a powerful post!! I am amazed at the amount of kids who don’t know how to play….or don’t enjoy it, because the opportunities haven’t been available! I try so hard to give my kids opportunity to “play”, and I still feel that I often fail! It’s really simple…but in today’s lifestyle it’s difficult! You, on the other hand, are a master at it! You are the perfect example of balance!
I’m laughing as I read your comment- yes, my kids have been called “active” 1000 times, but I’m never sure exactly if that’s a compliment or a criticism. 🙂 I bet our clan would love making messes together!
My kids are well-known in our circle of acquaintances for being “tough” and “active” because we do encourage playful creativity. I would rather see them make a mess and enjoy learning something than sit quietly in front of an electronic babysitter any day.
You have pinpointed some great things here — and one I especially need to work on is *hurry*. Oh, to be like them and live in the wonder of the moment more.
In the powerful book, Home Court Advantage, Dr. Diane Ehrensaft, development and clinical psychologist and professor at the Wright Institute in Berkley, is quoted as saying: “In our efforts to produce Renaissance children who are competitive in all areas, we sqeulch creativity.”
ok, Sherri- perfect and balance don’t really define me. But, oh, how I wish they did! I do love the way the Lord can balance our souls even when the minutes feel crazed. I think our kids can sense that balanced soul, don’t you?
Good post my friend! I really need help in the hurry area – find myself hurring even when I don’t need to. When we are out exercising, Jen is often off her bike finding a bird nest or looking at designs in rocks! 🙂 She doesn’t struggle with hurry!!!!!
~Robin
This is a powerful post!!
I am amazed at the amount of kids who don’t know how to play….or don’t enjoy it, because the opportunities haven’t been available! I try so hard to give my kids opportunity to “play”, and I still feel that I often fail! It’s really simple…but in today’s lifestyle it’s difficult!
You, on the other hand, are a master at it! You are the perfect example of balance!
Kelli,
I’m laughing as I read your comment- yes, my kids have been called “active” 1000 times, but I’m never sure exactly if that’s a compliment or a criticism. 🙂 I bet our clan would love making messes together!
Great post, Alicia! I love this, and I always love visiting your place 🙂
My kids are well-known in our circle of acquaintances for being “tough” and “active” because we do encourage playful creativity. I would rather see them make a mess and enjoy learning something than sit quietly in front of an electronic babysitter any day.
You have pinpointed some great things here — and one I especially need to work on is *hurry*. Oh, to be like them and live in the wonder of the moment more.
Great post!