Kindergarten Tears

I had a sappy mom moment as I stood in the hallway of my girls’ elementary school today. The tears that pooled in my eyes were unexpected and a bit embarrassing. After all, I’d just stopped by to drop off Hannah’s “rest time towel” that had been inadvertently left in the laundry basket when my kindergartener darted out the door to catch the bus this morning. But as I watched my freshly-turned-six-year-old playing at recess just beyond the double doors where I stood, an emotion that is hard to categorize- a tearful touch of sadness, wistfulness, and awe all wrapped up in one- swept across my heart.

Hannah looked so big and yet so little running around the playground just beyond the hallway where I stood. As she pushed a squealing friend on the tire swing, I had visions of our countless mid-day park trips when the one doing “swing duty” was me. And for just a moment, I wanted to grab my little girl, pack a picnic lunch (despite the raindrops dripping from the sky) and whisk her away to a park where we could laugh and play and marvel at the shape of the clouds and the color of the crunchy leaves beneath our feet. I used to be perplexed by these “kindergarten tears.” After all, I have never been one to cry over the changing seasons of motherhood. In fact, if I’m honest, there were plenty of days in the past year that I felt rather ready to send Hannah off to school. Her non-stop talk and constant creative demands monopolize my time and on some days, drain my energy, so occasionally the thought of watching her bloom beneath another’s care was tempting if not attractive.
But today, as I peered into Hannah’s “world away from home”, I mourned for just a moment the changing role that school requires not only of our children, but also of their mothers. I am grateful, no doubt, for the amazing men and women who tend to my children’s hearts and minds during the hours of eight and three. I don’t take lightly their job or their stunning dedication to the little learners who fill their classrooms. However, with each step back to my van parked just beyond the brightly colored classrooms, I realized afresh the great privilege I’ve been given to be my children’s first teacher. Commissioned to teach, not because of who I am, but simply because of Whose I am, I am humbled by God’s summons to school my children in Kingdom matters. I am grateful for lessons taught in the dirt of our own backyard “science lab,” for questions posed climbing the jungle gym at the park, and for creativity sparked by messy projects at the art studio of our kitchen table. I am delighted with textbook moments scripted by the Creator Himself; for butterflies that teach of transformation and sunsets that speak of beauty.

And as I entrust my children into the hands of other marvelously capable and gifted teachers, I am equally grateful that motherhood is God’s personal invitation to learn as well as to teach. I may never acquire an advanced degree or receive a title of academic distinction, but the instruction I’ve gleaned from the four-foot professors beneath my roof have left me a wiser woman indeed. My son’s squeals of delight over the unusual colors of a passing beetle have instructed me in lessons on wonder; while my daughter’s tears have enrolled me in the difficult course of compassion. And though I may never have chosen to pursue advanced character training on my own, my toddler’s tantrums in the middle of the grocery store have plunged me into a graduate-level course on humility.

I don’t know how many more classrooms await my offspring’s charms or how many more teachers will grace their lives with wisdom and kindness, but I AM certain of this: I will continue to delight in the Lord’s invitation to join Him in the mighty task of instructing His children’s hearts in truth. And this tearfully grateful teacher will pray that each lesson learned in the humble classroom of our home will be one thing my precious students (and their mom) never outgrow!

Today’s Treasure: Teach a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
                        –Proverbs 22:6
 
                  
 
 
                  (First day of school pictures… do they ever change?)