How to Fight Without Words When Your Heart is Hurting

Our waiter sensed we were fighting before he even took our order.

As he filled our water glasses and made a joke to lighten the mood, he pretended not to notice the silence that engulfed us or the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.

In any other season, a night out with my husband would have thrilled my heart. The space between us would have been filled with lively conversation and laughter, quirky questions and deep connection. But on that long-ago night we were too weary to swap stories, to discouraged to share dreams.

We were in a season of struggle that had emptied us in a way that even a rare candlelight dinner couldn’t fill. The sheer effort it had taken to show up— to find a babysitter, to clear our schedules, and to get out of the house for a rare date night—was proof that our waiter was right. We were fighting.

And that was good. We were fighting to stay connected. We were fighting to choose unity rather than detachment. We were fighting to lift our eyes above the murky moment and see the hope that hovered near. We were fighting to hold on when it felt like life was unraveling.

It would have been easier to stay home and disconnect, to end our day on a screen that provided distraction or a task that offered accomplishment. But we knew all too well the quiet ache of doing life side by side but not heart to heart. And on that long agon night, we were choosing to fight the raging temptation of apathy with the quiet power of presence.

As we lingered in the candlelight with tattered hearts and wearied minds, we were making a bold declaration without speaking a word: “I will reach for you even when life is trying to tear us apart.”

It’s the same declaration David makes to God in Psalm 63:8: “My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me….”

David didn’t speak those words over a candlelit dinner. But he may have spoken them beneath a starlit sky. Because Psalm 63:8 wasn’t a cry that rose from a throne; it was a commitment David made when the wilderness was his home. The king he’d sworn to serve had become his stalker and the people who’d sung his praises sought his life. But as uncertainty engulfed him and armies pursued him, David fought for hope by clinging to Love.

And, friends, wherever you find yourselves today, you can do the same. We may not always approach God with shouts of praise and joyful singing. But we can remain in His presence with honest tears and humble clinging.

“My soul clings to you...”

Those words may sound like wistful poetry; but they express a willful choice.

Clinging is a decision to pursue God’s heart even when ours is hurting. It’s choosing to draw near when we’re tempted to disengage. Clinging helps us hold on to God even when it seems like He’s holding out on us. Clinging propels us to press in even when we’d rather check out.

Sometimes clinging is expressed with quiet tenacity and sometimes with clamoring cries. But always it requires intentionality and humility, tenacity and trust.

That’s why in seasons when I’m weary and discouraged, I remember that long-ago night when my husband and I battled the noisy lies of discouragement with the quiet truth of presence. I picture David in the wilderness, seeking the presence of God when is heart was aching and his mind is quaking. And then I ask Holy Spirit to help me reach for Jesus with the same resolve.

For me, clinging sometimes looks like lighting a candle to remind me of God’s nearness as I sit in silence in the dark before dawn. Other times, it looks like taking a quiet walk in the woods or belting out an off-key praise song as I do the dishes. Sometimes it looks like rehearsing God’s faithfulness aloud or penning scribbles of gratitude on a blank journal page. But whatever shape it takes, clinging helps me show up when I want to give up.

“My soul clings to you...” Those are fighting words.

And as we fight to hold on to Jesus, we discover a LOVE that will not let us go.

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.

Friends, if you’re out of words, you can always use God’s Words to cling to Him. I’ve compiled some of my go-to scripture prayers when I’m reaching for God in times of struggle. You can download a copy for yourself or a friend here. And if you have a moment to share the go-to-verse you love to pray when you’re hanging on to hope, we’d love to hear it in the comments.

If you’re looking for a way to reach for Jesus right now, I’ve created a digital devotional, Encounter, to help you draw near to Him in the midst of your daily grind. You can purchase it here. And you can find another devotion I wrote on clinging prayer over at Proverbs 31 Ministries today.

If you enjoyed this blog post and would like to receive occasional encouragement in your inbox, you can subscribe here and receive a free download called 7 promises from the God who is with you. Or if you’re looking for a speaker for your next women’s event, let’s connect! I’d love to partner with you in ministry. Check out my speaking page and let me know how I can serve you as we step into a new year of seeking Jesus.