How Imperfect Children Point to Heaven
When I was pregnant with our firstborn, my husband and I spent countless hours trying to imagine just who our little one would be.
When the baby tucked beneath my heart would announce his presence with a mighty kick, we’d wonder aloud if he would have his Daddy’s athletic skills.
When a tiny hand would punch my stretched skin, we’d imagine the little fella to be talking with grand gestures like his mama.
While we were determined to love whatever unique combination of our personalities God knit together, we certainly had a preference as to which traits we passed on and which ones we kept to ourselves.
During the course of that long nine months, Rob and I often played a silly game of what if.
With a touch of jest, we’d list all of our finest traits and try to imagine a child who represented the best of each of us…
Rob’s brains and my perseverance.
My man’s logic and my creativity.
His speed and my hard work ethic.
My husband’s sense of humor and my gift of gab…
What mark might our offspring leave on the world if he embodied our strongest gifts?
Watch out world, this kid will be AMAZING!
Of course, I still remember the night we dared to flip that coin.
We were lying quietly in bed, Rob’s hands encircling my bulging belly, when he asked that dreadful question: “What if this baby gets the worst of us?”
My spirit prickled with fear and I rolled over and searched the darkness for my man’s eyes.
“Like my trip-up-the-stairs coordination and your public speaking skills?”
We chuckled at the thought and began to imagine a child with all of our weaknesses.
Watch out juvenile court, you haven’t seen anything yet!
When our laughter died, I lay in the blackness and shuddered at the gravity of what lay ahead.
How in the world would two flawed parents raise a fabulous child?
And then the answer came, a whisper in the night.
By my grace.
And my grace alone.
We have, however, found ourselves in awe of the many different personalities that God has created in our family using the the same two imperfect parents.
Now and then we watch our big boy shooting his one hundred three-pointers in the driveway and we marvel at his determination. Then we see his little sister directing her siblings in an original play and we applaud her creativity. And we watch his little brother shoveling snow and we are awed by his industrious spirit.
But just as we celebrate our children’s unique gifts, we have certainly questioned their limitations as well.
Why does he frustrate so easily?
Why can’t she stay organized?
Why does his singing sound like a dying frog?
Why can’t she finish anything she starts?
To be completely honest, we have at times wondered what God was thinking when He put our children together.
How could God’s perfect plans for our children include the thorns He has allowed in their flesh?
Over the years, we’ve experienced great freedom by developing a “far-sighted” approach to parenting. Quite simply, our children are not made merely for this world.
If we allow Him to, God can use our children’s flaws (as well as our own) to adjust our vision and give us more eternal eyes.
Once we realize that God has a purpose for our children’s gifts and their limitations, we are free to love our children as they are, rather than worry about what they are not.
A conversation recorded in John 3 reminds me that God looks very differently at those things that I call weaknesses…
When the disciples saw a man blind from birth sitting along the road. They asked Jesus, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”(v2)
To which Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents wined…but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (v3)
The parents of that man born blind probably had no idea that God would use their son’s limitations to display “the work of God in his life” (John 9:3). Yet, their child’s blindness provided a format for Jesus to reveal his identity as Messiah (see Isaiah 29:18, 35:5).
On most days, we cannot imagine how God might work glory out of the grit.
We can’t see how He could use the failures and flaws in our families to shine a spotlight on our perfect Savior.
But God can write His never-changing truth upon the world using the very limitations we long to erase.
So, the next time your clumsy child trips over her own feet or your strong-willed one refuses to quietly disagree, go ahead and ask God for a set of new eyes, the kind with eternal vision.
And then hug that flawed and fabulous child a little bit longer than necessary and thank God for the wonder of grace. 
The Overflow:
“I knew you before I formed you in
your mother’s womb.
Before you were born
Let’s just talk honestly here…
What specific limitation is most difficult for you to accept in yourself? In your children? Have you ever seen God use that weakness to reveal His strength?
Sharing God-Bumps in community once again with Jennifer and all the other God-seekers at Getting Down With Jesus.
Oh, friend, I KNOW you’re on your knees! And the power of your prayers are so evident in your sweet kids’ lives (the kids, who by the way, received the BEST of their mama when God created them 🙂 ). Thanks for the stop by today.
BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN!!
I have to say…I think all your kids got all the positive attributes of Rob and you…but then again…I only know positive attributes! 🙂 I am thankful that God fills in the gaps of my parenting! I spend many hours every week, praying for his guidance and assistance! 🙂
Alicia, I’m posting this here because I’m not sure if you’ll check back on my site. 🙂
Alicia,
Praise the Lord. I’m so glad you were encouraged. I really think your writing is crisp and honest and will encourage many. It’s so hard, this writing world, isn’t it? Spilling your guts out and not knowing what others will think or if it will be great or terrible! I was encouraged by another writer this week, and it helped so much to hear those few strengthening words! Thank you so much for letting me know that and for sharing my site with others. And thanks for giving the book for Christmas too! That’s awesome! I think you can do this writing thing, even with the platform and social media. I think your writing will capture an agent’s attention, and you might have a good niche with moms of young children, especially w/ all the places you’ve written for. (And by the way, your blog looked fine in my browser.) I have definitely seen this whole writing journey is very much a God thing though, so on your knees is a great place to be. When I wanted to quit He kept the whole thing going, and when I wanted to keep going (with another book), He whispered “wait.” So we shall see. May God lead you in the journey and greatly bless your words. Merry Christmas. – Charity
Found you here from Chip MacGregor’s site and just wanted to say I love your writing. You’ve got a nice style and voice. Then I went to your about page and saw you have been published in many magazines–I’m not surprised! I think you’ll succeed with your book dreams. Best wishes. 🙂
We’ve got two with special needs and my husband has one of their same issues. When special needs are hidden–no facial characteristics or other telltale signs–there is more judgement from others and there’s a sense of isolation that comes with that. Also, when you can’t perform to the usual standards you rarely get praise from man. It forces an existence that is more eternal than temporal–you have less to pull you toward the world and more to push you close to God. It’s a hard hallelujah and having a thankful heart is mandatory.
Love this post!
I love this post! sometimes when I get frustrated or disappointed I have to step back and chill and remember God knew what he was doing when he gave us these kids… I eventually begin believing this rationalization and the kids get good again and all is well…
you have beautiful children!
Very insightful post! We have three girls and even though they look alike, they are so totally different! It is funny to see both the best and the worst of us in three different combinations ….but I do know the Lord knit each soul together in just the way He wanted them to be.
This is an amazing message, Alicia. I so agree that God is in the business of redeeming all the good and bad in our lives. I think you and I were something on the same wavelength about pregnancy and wondering how God is doing His work in the unseen realm. 🙂 Funny how that happens! But blessed to read your encouraging words here, my friend. Always an insightful reminder of what is true and good.