When You Long To Be Beautiful

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I sent my littlest boy to kindergarten this year. 

Now he hops on the school bus with the rest of the big kids and waves at me until he’s disappeared into a muted yellow smear at the bottom of the hill.

But today, when his three-year-old sister and I curled up without him in the big leather chair and opened the Jesus Storybook Bible, I remembered another time when Joshua had been the small soft body on my lap.


Joshua had snuggled close to my heart and we had huddled together over the brightly colored pages of his favorite Bible.

And then, bright eyes shining,  he had spoken exactly the words that his weary mommy had needed to hear on that particular day.

There were once two sisters…..

 
The youngest sister was very beautiful and her name was Rachel. But the oldest sister wasn’t beautiful at all (some thought her quite ugly), and her name was Leah.
 
Rachel was the kind of girl who always gets invited to parties and chosen for the team. Everyone loved her. And poor Leah? No one hardly even noticed her…
 
The simple story book recounted the twisted tale from Genesis 29-30.

The tale of two women…

One wanted; the other rejected.

One treasured; the other tolerated.

One the object of an ambitious man’s affection; the other the object of a devious man’s deception.

 
Now Jacob had two wives, but of his two wives, Jacob loved Rachel best.
 

Joshua had been quietly sipping his morning dose of chocolate milk when suddenly he’d captured me with his tender gaze.

 He’d peered at me, fully dressed in my morning reality– tangled hair and last night’s mascara smudges, chapped lips and bared black circles hanging low beneath my eyes.

Then he’d cupped my pale cheeks with his small hands and lifted his lips to my ear. His warm misty breath had caressed my face as his words had embraced my soul.


“Mommy, YOU are a Rachel.”

 
The bold pages of the children’s Bible had melted into soft watery hues through the lens of my uninvited tears.

My little one had moved his hands from my face to my shoulders.

And I’d placed our tattered bookmark in the storybook’s binding and pulled Joshua close to my chest.

Inhaling the little boy fragrance of sweaty hair and sleepy breath, I’d thanked the Lord silently for my soft-hearted fourth-born.

Joshua had laced his fingers through mine and echoed those precious words.

“Mommy, YOU are a Rachel.”

 
Unsolicited memories had reeled through my mind like antiquated home movies.

 The familiar scenes had unfolded like the choppy footage that used to skip and jump from my uncle’s two-reeled film projector when I was a pig-tailed child,

I could see the younger me standing gawky and awkward in the cornflower blue bathroom of my youth.

Glued to the mirror, she was scrutinizing every strand of dirty blond hair with a frown.

She investigated the soft pink blotches on her pixie face; then stepped back for a full-figured view and bemoaned the missing curves on her stick-straight frame.

She stood there, staring quietly.
Measuring.
Comparing
Yearning.

A furrowed brow gazed back at her from the glass, and I knew she wanted to change what she saw.

She wanted long silky hair like her sister and a quick-witted personality like her best friend.

She wanted a cute curvy form like the girl who sat in front of her in English class and blemish-free skin like the cover model on Teen magazine. 

 
I saw it in her eyes, the deep blue yearning of the me who felt like a Leah in a Rachel world. 

The me who had yet to discover my place in God’s heart. 

Chosen. 

Cherished. 

And beautiful.

 
“Mommy?” Joshua had asked as he’d tapped his Bible and beckoned me to read some more.
 
“Yes, honey?”
 
“I want to hear the end.” 
 
And so with gratitude, I read the end of my story.
The end of your story.
The never-ending truth of God’s story.
 
Now when Leah knew that God loved her, in her heart, suddenly it didn’t matter anymore whether her husband loved her the best or if she was the prettiest. Someone had chosen her, someone did love her- with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love…
 
You see, when God looked at Leah, he saw a princess. And sure enough, that’s exactly what she became. One of Leah’s children’s children’s children would be a prince- the Prince of Heaven—God’s Son.

This Prince would love God’s people. They wouldn’t need to be beautiful for him to love them. He would love them with all of his heart. And they would be beautiful because he loved them.
 
Like Leah.
 
(Story excerpts taken from The Jesus Storybook Bible, written by Sally-Lloyd-Jones).

The Overflow:
  
How beautiful you are, 
my darling! 
Oh, how beautiful! 
-Song of Songs 1:15
 
 
 
 
 
 
Sharing in community with Jennifer aGetting Down With Jesus

 

Alicia

4 Comments

  1. Thanks for the sweet responses, dear friends. So glad God has gifted me with BEAUTIFUL women to journey through this world with! Thanking Him for each of you today!

  2. Christina says:

    So beautiful! And your son…precious. I love the way God speaks to us through our children. We are all beautiful, because of Jesus. Blessings!

  3. Anonymous says:

    You are amazing. Just when I think your writing is so awesome it gets better and better. Love how you use your God given talents to spread the GOOD NEWS on the WWW. We are so proud of you and the way you live your life. May God continue to bless this ministry. Hugs, Aunt Jan

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