When The Waiting Hurts
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Today I’m over at Proverbs 31 talking about that ache we often feel this time of year. You can read or listen to my devotion here. But before you go, I’d love to tell you a story about an impatient five-year-old, a bulging belly, and some lessons I’m learning about hope in the waiting…
We were curled up on the couch in the light of a twinkling Christmas tree –me, my five-year-old, Hannah, and my bulging stomach–when my daughter put words to her longing.
“I just want our baby to come in time for Christmas,” she said as she placed her head on my round middle and pleaded with the wee one growing just beneath my stretched-out skin.
“Will you pleeeeeee-ase come soon?”
This was our fifth child, but it was the first time Hannah was old enough to understand the gift that was tucked below my heart.
It was the first time Hannah knew what it meant to be “a big sister”; the first time she could help get the nursery ready, and the first time she could contribute ideas to our family discussions of “what to name the baby.”
For months, my kindergartner had been rehearsing all things “big sister.” She’d practiced burping her baby dolls and rocking them to sleep, changing their diapers and kissing their cheeks.
She’d practiced reading board books to her teddy bears and singing lullabies to our dog; lugging around a diaper bag and tiptoeing past the crib.
But as the days passed, her patience waned thin. And even the sight of the gifts under the tree couldn’t tame the impatience that lurked in her little heart.
“The baby won’t come for awhile,” I reminded her gently. I held up eight fingers as a tangible reminder of the weeks that remained until my due date. But for a five-year-old whose life is measured in moments, the weeks of waiting seemed to have no end.
Maybe that’s why Hannah’s smile disappeared on that long-ago December day. “Mommy, I can’t wait any longer,” she moaned as she flopped her head against my shoulder and exhaled a jagged sigh.
I swallowed a laugh and gave my girl a friendly poke. “Oh, yes you can,” I countered. “There’s a baby at the end of this who needs a fabulous big sister.”
I waited for my five-year-old to echo my giggle. But she didn’t return my playful banter. Instead, her pink lips began to tremble. And drizzles of sadness seeped from her eyes. Then my words were swallowed by her quiet sobs.
I pulled close and stroked her tousled hair. “It’s going to be worth the wait, Hannah,” I murmured as her whimpers gave way to sniffles.
“I know, Mommy,” Hannah said as she swatted at the tears zig-zagging down her cheeks. “But the waiting still hurts my heart.”
It’s been over a decade since Hannah climbed on my lap with a stream of troubled tears and an impossible Christmas wish. But this morning as I sat in the dark before dawn and scanned the pages of my prayer journal, I thought of her candid words and felt a wordless ache in my own heart.
You see, the pages of my journal tell a story of waiting, too.
They hold prayers that have gone unanswered and promises that aren’t yet fulfilled. Problems that loom unsolved and pains that remain unhealed. Belief that dangles between faith and sight and declarations of unseen victory from the middle of the fight.
But as I read through my own inky scrawl, I saw more than just a hurting heart. I spotted threads of hope weaving through my waiting, too. I saw words of worship adjacent to my wobbly cries; songs of strength sidled up next to my desperate pleas.
And I realized this– it’s in the waiting where hope is incubating.
Perhaps that’s why the Psalmist preached these words to his hurting heart in Psalm 42:11:
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
Why have you become restless and disquieted within me?
Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
When we wait with hope, we don’t give up in frustration; we look up in expectation.
Hope shifts our eyes from the not-yet to the yes-and-amen; from our restlessness to God’s rightness; from our pleas to His promises.
Hope turns our gaze from our feelings to God’s faithfulness. It flips our focus from our unanswered wonderings to His unchanging with-ness.
Hope doesn’t erase the ache. It anchors our soul. (Hebrews 6:19)
Hope reminds us that God’s love never fails (I Corinthians 13:8).
His word never falters (Isaiah 40:8).
And what’s to come is worth the wait…. even if it hurts.
“For we have been saved in this hope and for this future. But hope does not involve what we already have or see. For who goes around hoping for what he already has? But if we wait expectantly for things we have never seen, then we hope with true perseverance and eager anticipation.” Romans 8:24-25
Today, I’m giving away a copy of my favorite Advent devotional. My own copy of this beautiful book is smudged with tears, filled with prayers, and cracked open with gratitude every Christmas season. Ann’s words are a quiet and hope-filled companion in the waiting. But more importantly, Ann’s words point me to God’s Word which anchors my heart to hope. If you’d like to enter to win your own copy of The Greatest Gift just tell us in the comments what you are waiting for this Christmas season.
And one more thing before you go! Wouldn’t it be fun to meet face to face? I’m scheduling speaking engagements for 2020 and 2021, and I’d be delighted to bring a message of encouragement to a ministry event near you. If you’d like to know more, check my speaking page or contact me at overflow@aliciabruxvoort.net
What I am wsiting for is my prodigal sons would stop running from God&would start talking to us again. I battle holiday depression every year. The Merle Haggard song If I Can Make It Through December has been my theme song for many years
With you, I await our victorious Savior to come rescue us from this sin-sick world. I love that uncomfortable feeling of longing that reminds me that this world is not my home.
Praying for the hurting sisters who have commented before me. May God meet you where you are and may you learn to depend so fully on Him that you cannot doubt His presence and His sovereignty.
I am waiting for my mind to constantly focus on God being in control and not questioning his plan.
This Christmas season I’m waiting for God to show me where does He want me to be and what is the best path for my life that He has planned for me. I want to do His roll and be in the path that He has planned for me but the last couple of years I’ve just felt like I’m “floating”. I really would live to see His vision for me.
I am waiting on God to reveal is plan for my life.
I’m waiting for Jesus to bring peace on earth. Our nation, indeed our world is hurting and angry. Confused and uncertain. Lonely and resentful. Please Jesus would replace our sin and bring true love for one another.
Such a great post! This season I’m just wanting to truly see God, to once again hear Him and see Him working in my life. I’ve been in a dry season of being far from Him for awhile, and I just want to get back to that relationship with Him.
I am waiting for my husband to move from knowing about Jesus, to really knowing Him.
Hi Alicia. Just wanna day thanks for today’s post. God bless you. Praying for my daughter Adrien.
Where do I begin? About 3 years ago, my son met a gal online he started dating. He was 30 at the time and ready to settle down with virtually anyone who would have him who was a decent human being. After a 4 month relationship, she bought him a wedding band then expected to get one in return. He was receiving frequent requests to get her a ring. Big Red Flag so I suggested he wait but that didn’t happen. During the engagement there were more red flags. I witnessed lies and manipulation so I made the mistake of calling her out on them which began with “it sounds to me like….so you can get what you want.” We’ll that comment sealed the deal and there’s no turning back. My new daughter in law is critical of my every word and deed. She’s resorted to triangulation amongst family members including my son. She’d love it if she could get rid of me and never see me again. Meanwhile , after the first month of marriage, her mask began to come off and her true nature revealed she is someone who has a mental illness and on top of that, my son has discovered she has a real learning disability.
In the past two and a half years I’ve been a walking target for her arrows. I never get to see my son. Now a grandchild is on the way and I can only predict the same will happen with that baby.
I struggle with, what to do? Can this relationship be fixed? I’ve tried being kind but it gets me nowhere in her eyes. How do I love somebody that seems so unlovable and is driven by what seems like evil forces of nature? I am seeking answers and wisdom as well as peace because this situation is unhealthy for me because I have cancer I’m currently dealing with. Can this relationship be restored? How do I do that?
Lori Axtman
Praying for you, Lori! Be the woman God wants you to be, no matter her responses and behavior. Let your son know that you love him and are there for him and do not stop.
Look at the website BPD Family.org. it will help you understand your daughter-in-law and give you help in your dealings with her.
Been there, released from that marriage after 20 years. Praise God, He used it to draw me close and do refining work in my character!
I am waiting for hope and encouragement to fill my husband’s heart. He is one of the hardest workers I know. A man filled with kindness and integrity. He has raised our five kids on a police man’s income and a few extra jobs!! He has put 3 through college and still working to get the last two through. But he was just passed up for another promotion at work. Even though he knows his hope is in the Lord, it is still raw and hurts when you have the most experience and skill. But God has a plan. Since the kids have grown, we have gotten out of the habit of evening devotions. But with the tree up and Christmas coming, I really wanted a new and fresh advent book to read in the evenings. I’d love to read this . Two of the “kids” are home during this season and I’d like to take advantage of this rare opportunity to speak truth into them before they take flight in January. And I know it’s just what my husband needs to refocus and know that our treasures are to be stored up in heaven-not earth. God bless you and your family:) You are quite an inspiration!
When I woke up this morning and was getting ready to read my devotional I wanted it to be about hope. My heart aches for my two beautiful children who are in their thirties and cannot find the right person to share their life with. I worry about them everyday being alone and not having a family of their own. My husband and I are having are own struggles and my mom has dementia and lives far away. I feel separated from my sisters as I’m the only one that lives far away. I hope all the time that one of my sisters will come visit me as my parents used to come and they can’t travel anymore. My sisters never come to visit me. Nothing ever feels secure yet I know I should be grateful for all that god has provided me. Sometimes I feel selfish for the things I hope for. My heart aches everyday for hope for my children, hope that my marriage will feel stable and good again, for my yearning for my parents and sisters. God is good. He provided me with hope through your blog and he answered my prayer this morning when I asked for a devotional for hope. Thank you for your words this morning.
Kathryn, I definitely can relate what your saying. Thank you so much for sharing your heart for God it’s so beautiful. I am waiting for God to give me wisdom and discernment this Christmas season. God bless you.
I am waiting for my son to come home on leave. He is in the military and has been gone since March. He gets to come home on leave for Christmas. The best Christmas gift I could get is to be with all of my family again.
I’m waiting for God to open doors for me. I lost my job a couple of months ago. Finances are stretched extremely thin. Even in this difficult time I’ve found the joy I’ve been longing for. I’m not sure what He has planned for me but I’m waiting for His promises to be fulfilled.
Long story short. In 2005 I remarried a wonderful man of God (my previous marriage was abusive). My children were young adults at that time and when I remarried I had to relocate temporarily due to my husbands employment. The plan was always to move back and the wait is much longer than I imagined.
Since then my mother has passed, my boys have married and one of them has 2 children of his own. I try very hard to remain hopeful that this is our “ last Christmas here”- And, I know in Gods time He will open that door, but the waiting hurts sometimes, the waiting wears me down,the waiting makes me feel anxious and guilty. I know He has grown me in these areas and I can’t give up hope.
Kathryn, you’re right– the waiting hurts and wears us down. God’s timing rarely matches ours. I’m praying with you this Advent season–for fresh joy and renewed hope. Thanks for taking time to share here.
I appreciate the message today. So many people are waiting on SOMETHING today. I am waiting on the salvation of loved ones, restored relationships among family members, revival and growth in our congregation of believers, and healing of my husband’s health issues. I am choosing to wait with hope because Jesus has never failed, and nothing is impossible with God.
Andrea, thanks for the reminder that Jesus never fails. Oh, how we need to stand on that in the waiting. I am praying with you for restoration, revival, and healing. May you encounter the HOPE of Jesus in a special way this Christmas.
The hymns of faith written from the Psalms give me words of encouragement. HOPE.
I long for peace on our community streets. Hope in God to lead our country with His plan for our future generations.
2Chronicles 20:15–“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this war. For the battle is not ours
but God’s.” I HOPE for CHRIST to shine His light of promise into the darkness. Trust. Obey. LOVE.
Marlea, yes and amen! Praying for eyes of faith until these longings become sight. Have a blessed Christmas!
I pray, I struggle, I lose myself in playing games, I wait, I blame others, I gripe, I cry, I’m mad, I wait, I pray, I gossip, I ignore, I unfriend, I block, I cry, I pretend, I pray, I get upset, I’m silent, I hide, and I wait. I wait for others to do what I want. I am going to pray for the strength to allow God to do his will in their lives and not what I want. I will pray for strength to reach out in love, to see them as God’s children. I will wait and I will pray.
Thank You for sharing!!
Toni, I appreciate your honesty. Waiting can bring out the worst in me, too. May your gift this Christmas be renewed strength from the Spirit of the living God. May His presence in you give you all you need to trust Him and love His children.
This Christmas I am waiting and hoping my family will be restored; that hurt, anger and bitterness will be replaced with unconditional love. Thank you for both posts here and at Proverbs 31 Ministries.
Sherry, I am praying with you for the gift of restoration this Christmas. Jesus, do what only you can do in Sherry’s family. You are the One who makes all things new. Do a new work in this family’s story. Bring healing and hope to Sherry.
I am waiting to be filled with peace and stillness this Christmas season.
Jesus, You are the Prince of Peace. And your Spirit can speak a word and still a soul. So, please fill Sarah with your peace this Christmas season and bring your calm to the chaos that swirls in her and around her. Amen
Waiting is so hard, especially when I don’t see any changes. I question, why, but God has his plan. I want the change immediately, but God has his process. Thank you for your words of encouragement this morning.
Oh, Mary Jo, I want “fast fixes,” too. It’s so hard to trust God with the process. I’m praying for you this Advent season—for renewed faith in the waiting and increased peace in the process. Thanks for lingering here a moment with us.
“But the waiting still hurts my heart.” Oh how I empathize and agree with this statement! I was just in prayer telling God how sorry I am that in this long, hard season of pain, discouragement, frustration, problems and no peace to be found (for more than a year now!) I have lost hope and found myself filled with negativity and bitterness has taken root. It hurts my heart so much that ‘perfect opportunities’ have been chased and dangled in front of my husband and me, yet God has shut every door or allowed the “good thing” to fall through. At every turn when I feel I can’t take one more hurt another hard hit seems to come our way. My stress and physical pains and torment have been so high at times I wonder if God sees or cares at all. Knowing He can lighten the load or carry the burdens but instead the pain and hardships pile on has been disheartening to the point where I feel like every promise must be meant for someone else…or is a fraud altogether. Still, I cling in my questions. I cry out for strength and peace in the trenches, and I plead for more mercy and grace to trust when I cannot see or understand. The waiting feels like punishment. This advent season I am praying for meekness, a renewed right spirit within, and eyes that keep focused on the Star and heart bent in full belief that He is still Immanuel— still with me…with us and working every hard thing for our good and His glory. Oh for Grace to trust Him more. I am so grateful that He allowed your blogpost and words to pierce my heart and serve to remind and encourage me that pain can press me to Him and nurture and grow faith and Hope in Him. I am believing in advance that there is coming for me and my family rejoicing again when yonder breaks a new and glorious morn for us…in His perfect time and ways.
Jodi, I appreciate your raw honesty. I am so sorry for your excruciating pain and discouragement. My heart aches with you. For you. And I am echoing your Advent prayer. May His gift to you this Christmas be HOPE– may He give you a sliver of light in this darkness and a surge of strength in the struggle. Thanks for letting us hold you up in prayer.