When Closed Doors Don’t Budge (And Why God May Not Turn The Handle)
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When Lukas was just nine months old, he developed an unsettling habit of trying to crawl through closed doors.
Head bent and gritted jaw set, my firstborn would assume the bulldozer position and wriggle forward with dogged determination until he collided with the door that stood in his way.
Then my tenacious tot would pull his tiny body upright and pound his chubby fists on the unyielding obstacle. Wails of frustration usually alerted me to his predicament.
Though he didn’t have the verbiage to say it, his beet red face and flailing limbs translated the manifest language of his mind: There’s a door in my way and I want you to open it!
When I’d refuse to turn the doorknob in response to his noisy demands, Lukas would sprawl across the floor in tearful lament. He seemed to believe that everything he really wanted was just beyond reach.
Too young to understand that some doors were closed for his own safety, my son was convinced that his mama was holding out on him.
Honestly, the door despair was downright laughable until the day that I recognized myself in my son’s immature drama.
You see, I’m not that fond of closed doors, either.
I’d rather sail swiftly through my well-laid plans than run into detours that slow me down.
I’d rather put my head down and move steadily forward than stumble upon a barrier that requires me to wait.
And if I’m really honest, whenever I bang my head on closed doors- the friend who betrays, the job that falls through, the publisher’s rejection letter that disappoints–I’m quick to question my Heavenly Father’s heart.
If you really loved me, you’d just open that door.
Don’t you know the desires of my heart?
But as I watched my young son bang on the door of the junk closet one day, I suddenly saw my own frustrations in a new light.
Little Luke was unaware of how my opening the closet door would create an avalanche of boxes, crates, and vacuum cleaner parts that could smother his tiny body.
But because I knew what was just beyond the door, I chose to keep it closed despite my son’s angry pleas.
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He knows exactly what waits on the other side.
And in His infinite wisdom, He knows when to turn the knob and when to leave the door latched shut.
God is not moved by tantrums or threats.
Or by one impatient daughter’s noisy drama.
Rather, my Heavenly Father is moved by love.
And sometimes, He simply loves me too much to open up that door that’s right in front of me.
Linking with Lauren and Mindy today.
Hi Alicia
I am a first time visitor to your blog after I linked after you at Mindy’s. What a delightful post!! Of yes, dear one, we are just as stubborn when it comes to our desires. I think at times it is more the desires of our souls which we confuse with the heart!!
Much love XX
Mia
Visiting from Mindy’s– I love this! It’s so true!
Oh friend, so true. Truly trusting that God’s way is ALWAYS best and He knows our needs…Great illustration with Luke! Don’t you just love how God uses our kids to grow us?!!!
Thanks ALicica. I love this sort of blogs!