When A Mom Tries to Talk Her Child out of Giving it All Away…
It was nearly a decade ago when I first read an article detailing the most fatal disease in America.That was the year that I first dared to consider the health of my own family’s heart as the holidays approached.
Affluenza is the term sociologists have coined to describe our country’s insatiable appetite for material consumption.
While this gimme bug never goes into hibernation, it seems to rage epidemic as Christmas approaches.
Of course, right after reading the article, I figured our family was safe from affluenza.
After all, we didn’t feel rich.
We were just an ordinary family of four, living on my husband’s meager salary as a medical resident and rationing grocery money with care. I shopped thrift stores and garage sales in order to meet our monthly budget.
We didn’t have cable T.V. We never ate out. And we didn’t drive fancy cars.
Surely we weren’t the kind of family that suffered from America’s disease.
“Besides,” I argued, in an effort to ease my mind, “my kids never seem to have as many toys as the neighbors next door.”
The thought brought momentary comfort, but as I looked more closely at our family, I couldn’t ignore a nagging feeling I was wrong.
In the corner of my son’s room stood an overstuffed toy box.
Downstairs in the playroom, many of last year’s hottest Christmas gifts gathered dust.
Baby toys and rattles discarded by my daughter now were claimed by our new puppy.
Horrified, I realized our one-salary, struggling-to-stick-to-our-frugal-budget, average family was gimme-bug prey after all.
As the weeks passed, my mind became a film reel of memories… An embarrassing image of my children on a previous Christmas day shuffled to the forefront. We’d just finished the gift exchange at Grandma’s.
The children were buried beneath brightly colored wrapping paper and shiny metallic bows.
Surrounded by towers of flashy new toys, my then two-year-old son had dared to ask, “Is that all?”
Oh, yes, affluenza had struck before!
Next emerged a picture of my husband standing amidst drifts of snow with an assortment of boxes at his feet. Beads of sweat dripped from his forehead as he attempted to stuff our children’s loot into our car. I was crammed between two crabby children in the backseat of our weighted-down car while oversized gifts claimed my rightful spot next to the driver.
Something had to be done! A verse from a recent Bible study ran through my mind, “I came that [you] may have life, and have [it] abundantly” (John 10:10 NASB).
Was my family missing out on abundant life because our “stuff” got in the way?
With new resolve, I approached my husband. After some discussion, we decided to sort through our things and find items to donate, then enlist the children’s help in choosing some of their belongings to share.
While we realized Elizabeth, our one-year-old, was too young to understand our mission, we were certain that three-year-old Lukas would benefit from our project.
Invigorated, I did a little research and found a local shelter that was getting ready to hold its annual “Christmas Store.” Every December, the mission set up a makeshift store where people who otherwise couldn’t afford to give their loved ones gifts were invited to shop for very low-priced, used, but in good condition, presents the community has donated.
The store preserved people’s dignity, but better yet, it allowed the customers to experience the joy of giving rather than simply being the recipients of handouts.
I was immediately sold.
The next morning, I explained to Lukas that there were kids in our city who didn’t have any toys. In my best I-have-a-great-idea voice, I suggested we hunt through our toys and find things to share.
I waited in anticipation for my son’s equally excited reply. Only silence followed. Finally, Lukas looked up from his cereal bowl and informed me in his no-further-discussion-needed tone, “I like all my toys.”
Meanwhile, my husband piled flawless items of clothing on our bed: pants he hadn’t worn since college but had hung in his closet “just in case the diet worked.”
And I moved methodically through the house, purging my kitchen of new coffee cups, extra sets of measuring spoons, and random gadgets I’d received as wedding gifts but never used.
I piled all of my like-new career clothes on the bed, finally admitting that a stay-at-home-mom had no need for pant suits or frilly skirts.
The more I found to give away, the more I wanted to share.
It was exhilarating! As I packaged the donations into boxes, Lukas walked by. I explained our agenda again and prayed once more for a way to entice my son to join our project.
Three days later, my prayer was answered. That evening, Lukas and I watched a Winnie the Pooh movie in which Pooh made a wish come true for his friend, Christopher Robin. My son clapped his hands in glee as the story ended with a dream fulfilled.
“Lukas,” I whispered. “You could be a dream-maker just like Pooh!” I saw a sparkle in his eyes. It was an offer too good to refuse.
“Remember those kids I told you about, the ones who don’t have any toys?” I asked him.
“Uh huh.”
“Well, they’re wishing for someone to bring them a toy this Christmas.” I held my breath and waited.
My boy’s baby blue shimmered with a spark of confidence. “I could make those wishes come true,” he boasted as he turned and ran toward his bedroom.
I watched with pride as Lukas opened his toy box, pulled out toys he hadn’t used in months and piled them high on my bed.
Pleased with my son’s change of heart, I began to stack our donations into boxes.
Just as I was congratulating myself on our family’s noble fight against the gimme bug, Lukas trudged into my room with his favorite toy in hand.
“I don’t really play with this so much…” he said as he placed his treasure on the give-away pile. He pulled another item from behind his back. “And I could give those kids my safari animals.”
With a satisfied smile, he put his brand-new birthday gift on top of the sealed boxes.
I turned to face my son and squatted to look him in the eye. “Oh, honey, you don’t need to give away your best things. Why don’t you just keep those animals. You love to play with those.”
My simple holiday project was getting out of hand.
And there I was- trying to talk my own child out of extravagant generosity. Biblical generosity.
It was in that tell-tale moment that God whispered to my selfish heart, But, Alicia, I remember one Christmas when I gave everything away for you.
I stopped, startled at the thought, shocked at the boundaries of my own giving.
What if God had withheld His best gift from our hurting world?
I kissed the top of Lukas’ soft head and stuffed my son’s best toy into the waiting box.
Then I turned to inspect my own closet with fresh eyes, once my tears of conviction subsided.
And while I sorted through my best stuff, I asked God to heal me from the silent disease that threatened to steal my joy.
A toy box doesn’t sit in the corner of my firstborn’s bedroom anymore.
But last night I caught that fourteen-year-old flipping through Compassion’s gift catalog, his lips curled quietly in a smile as he studied all the ways he could make a child’s wish come true in this marvelous season of giving.
And from the corner of my dirty kitchen, I thanked God once again for that humbling moment long ago when He used a zealous three-year-old to teach me an unforgettable lesson about giving.
It’s a lesson my children seem to understand better than I.
A lesson I must choose to keep on learning. Because this selfish heart of mine has a short memory.
But this I know to be true–
Generosity has no limits.
God proved that when He gave His only Son on the very first Christmas so we might receive what we don’t deserve- abundant life, here and forever.
We can’t out-give Him.
We can’t repay Him.
We can simply accept His lavish generosity and say “thank you” for the best gift of all by choosing to give our best in Jesus’ name.Would you join me in thanking Jesus and making a child’s wish come true this Christmas?
Head on over here and discover an easy way to say THANKS to Jesus for giving us His BEST!
Linking today with Emily at Imperfect Prose
Linking today with Emily at Imperfect Prose
I am inspired Alicia, you tell this with such passion and excitement and sweet gentle conviction. How freeing and beautiful the act of giving generously, giving radically.Visiting you from Emily’s. And this holds such truths for us about giving and releasing year-round, daily. Thank you for sharing this beautiful experience and discipline with us.
Reading this through Emily’s blog. Giving stuff away sounds like such a good plan! I’ve done it before, and I think my kids will be happy to do it again. My mom and sister went to South America over Christmas and it broke their heart that kids would just stare at them while they ate waiting for leftover crumbs. They saw streets where there were mansions on one side, and shacks on the other side of the road, and kids with no toys, none at all in the shacks. I have an unbelievable case of the ‘gimmes’. I’m so happy that God doesn’t leave us where we are, but whispers to us what is on His heart.
it IS addicting, isn’t it? this giving away? so lovely your kids have the opportunity to get hooked on something more fulfilling than the “getting” part.
love to you, friend!
Oh, I totally agree. Getting my eyes off of ME always amplifies the joy!
wow! what a post…and what timing for it!! I love the new vocab word…I know what it is.
we are the happiest I think when we give, because then the focus is no longer on us, but on others..