The Unexpected

The weekend was laced happily with little diversions from the norm. Surprises that reminded us that life with Jesus is a great adventure. But as I settled into my big leather chair on Sunday night with my Bible and journal and  mused on the idea of the unexpected, I realized that the unexpected is more fun when it doesn’t interrupt my tidy plans.  I can easily embrace camp outs in the basement, bonfire pizza parties, and spur-of-the-moment ice cream runs. Those unexpected delights protect me from falling into the rut of apathy. But the unexpected phone call that throws my agenda askew, the unexpected conflict that demands resolution, the unexpected word of truth that confronts my spiritual apathy- those are the unexpecteds that can quickly shatter my peace.

I’m currently reading Angie Smith’s poignant book I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy.  Stunned when an 18-week ultrasound revealed that their fourth daughter, Audrey Caroline, had conditions “incompatible with life,” the Smith’s were faced with an unexpected decison: to terminate the pregnancy or not. By faith, Angie and her husband chose to carry Audrey for as long as she had life, and Audrey’s story and two-hour life on this side of Heaven changed the world.  (Check out Audrey’s story at http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/01/beginning-of-story.html)

As I’ve read and wept and marveled at this mommy’s faith, I have wrestled in one moment with the reality of God’s sovereignty and rejoiced in the next moment at the unchanging promise of His grace. The unexpected forces us to look our Savior in the eye and decide whether or not we trust Him with our life.. ALL OF IT.

In the midst of my fifth unexpected pregnancy, I battled constantly my fear of uncertainty. Now, in the light of Audrey’s story, my own fears seem miniscule and even prideful. Nonetheless, I wrestled. I wanted to walk boldly by faith and embrace the family God was lavishly giving to me, but in the selfish spaces of my soul I questioned. If I really surrendered to the Author of Life and gave Him the quill, what would happen as He wrote my story? What if I didn’t like the next chapter, or the one after that? What if I He ditched my dreams and traded them for new ones? What if I didn’t like His dreams for me? His dreams for my family? His plan for our life? The “good Bible girl” in me knew the promise of  Psalm 37:4- “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” -but to be honest, I wasn’t sure that I knew how to delight the Lord. And I wondered if He really knew my heart’s deepest desires.

And then I stumbled on Oswald Chamber’s call to abundant life. His invitation painted the unexpected in a new light, a perspective that roused the adventurer in me and stilled the Enemy’s chant of doubt. Chamber’s words stirred a longing inside of me that had once danced freely when I was a little girl, the unabashed longing to TASTE LIFE FULLY. The longing to REALLY LIVE.

Our natural inclination is to be precise- trying to always forecast accurately what will happen next- that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing… Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life- gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.  We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our lives with surprises all the time….when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. (My Utmost for His Highest, April 29)

My life may not be one long string of happy surprises. It may involve unthinkable decisions like the one that Angie Smith faced as her precious baby girl grew steadily in her womb. But when God pulls me from my predictable and tidy plans and invites me to join Him on an unexpected journey, I want to say “YES!” no matter where that leads. Then, in breathless expectation, I want to savor each surprise that the Author of eternity weaves into the humble story of my life. Gracious uncertainty. Amazing Grace.

The Overflow:  If I were in your shoes, I’d go straight to God, I’d throw myself on the mercy of God. After all, he’s famous for great and unexpected acts; there’s no end to his surprises. -Job 5:8, The Message