On Big Girl Dreams and Waiting for My Hands To Grow
Blog | Growing Pains | Prayer
I was plucking the stockings off the mantel when Maggie walked into the room and planted a hand on her hip in protest.
“Mommy! Don’t pack our socks away!”
“But, honey, Christmas is over. We’ll hang our stockings again next year.”
“Noooooo!” my littlest one moaned. “Not yet.”
I turned to face my dissenter.
“Why not?” I asked, softening my voice in an effort to be sensitive to my daughter’s angst.
“Why not?” I asked, softening my voice in an effort to be sensitive to my daughter’s angst.
Maggie moved closer, fingered the empty stockings, and mumbled, “‘Cause I didn’t get everything I wanted.”
I kneeled so I could look my near-four-year-old in the eye and tried to swallow the chuckle rising in my throat as I finally grasped her shoddy logic.
“So, you want to leave up your stocking so you can get something else in there?”
She nodded and gave me a sheepish smile, as if even she knew the idea was a long shot.
“But our stockings only get filled on Christmas Eve,” I reminded her.
Maggie’s chin drooped and she shrugged her petite shoulders.
“But I really wanted a doll with long hair.”
My littlest gazed longingly at her sisters’ American Girl dolls lined up in ruffled best on our old plaid couch.
“But I really wanted a doll with long hair.”
My littlest gazed longingly at her sisters’ American Girl dolls lined up in ruffled best on our old plaid couch.
I remembered the poor doll Maggie had taken to “the spa” when her sister wasn’t looking.
I pictured the synthetic tangles that had replaced the once silky up-do.
I pictured the synthetic tangles that had replaced the once silky up-do.
And the angry tears cried when big sister had seen what was left of her doll’s golden strands.
Kindly, I reminded Maggie of our house rules.
“I know you want a big girl doll,” I said, “But you need to wait until you’re older to have a doll like Lizzy’s.”
I reached for the adorable new baby doll lying next to the string of big girl toys.
“ I think you should take care of this sweet baby for now.”
“ I think you should take care of this sweet baby for now.”
Maggie shrugged and pulled her Christmas gift to her chest, exhaling a sigh of surrender.
I may not admit it often, but my littlest girl is an awful lot like her mama.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that I’d told God I was tired of waiting?
Tired of lingering in the not-yet.
Tired of watching for Him to answer that one prayer.
Tired of watching for Him to answer that one prayer.
Tired of dreaming the same dream that hasn’t budged.
Tired of knocking on closed doors.
Tired of knocking on closed doors.
Tired of trusting His perfect timing.
I stashed the stockings in a crate marked Christmas and jammed the lid on top of the overstuffed box.
My little girl waved good-bye to her stocking and jutted her bottom lip out in a perfect pout.
This life is fine, God, but what I really wanted was…
I stashed the stockings in a crate marked Christmas and jammed the lid on top of the overstuffed box.
My little girl waved good-bye to her stocking and jutted her bottom lip out in a perfect pout.
This life is fine, God, but what I really wanted was…
Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a motley-haired American Girl doll sitting in the rocking chair, those once silky strands all twisted and frayed in a pitiful fashion–
a big girl doll that had landed in the hands of a much-too-little girl.
a big girl doll that had landed in the hands of a much-too-little girl.
I picked up the spa-survivor and vowed to work on those tangles once I got the Christmas decorations tucked away.
Then I plopped the doll on top of the stocking box and trudged up the stairs, my thoughts fixed on those big dreams that I’d placed in His hands long ago.
My big girl dreams.
My big girl dreams.
I know when you can handle the gift, my Heavenly Father whispered as Maggie trailed behind me, cradling her new baby doll.
And when that day comes, I’ll be delighted to give it to you, wrapped in my blessing and tied with my love.
I willed my soul to trust instead of pout.
Maggie kissed her baby’s black plastic hair and opened the door to the garage for me.
Then I lugged that box of stockings out of the house for another year while my littlest girl chattered gleefully about “the doll she’s gonna have someday when her hands have grown enough to hold a big one.”
The Overflow: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” -Psalm 37:4
Linking with Tracy for Winsome Wednesday
Great reminder!
I wish my stockings were put away!
Things don’t change much…whether I am in Pella or St Louis…I am still the last to put away my stockings!
What a beautiful reminder, Alicia. I had very similar thoughts the other day. It’s so good to receive confirmations from God through the words of a dear friend.
what a beautiful picture of the sometimes why god has us wait. will tuck that away in my heart. thank you. –kris
So true. Especially when the dreams or desires don’t seem bad. Hard to accept the delay.